07 June 2007

Under Fire

Yesterday morning I entered two posts on this here blog - one about my husband and how the Lord has bridged a gap with laughter, and the other about my children - how much I love them and want them to be with me every day. Today I want to be divorced and childless. Okay maybe there was too much drama in that statement - but I definitely would like to run away - at least for a couple of hours, but with my luck I'd probably run into somebody who had lost something, was hungry, or expected me to take care of them! Do you know in only a few short hours after posting those two entries, my husband and I had a major blow out - you know the kind that sends a car careening off a cliff into a dry ravine below. That kind of blow out. Big. Huge. Ugly. I wasn't too nice either.
Today I have felt overwhelmed by motherhood. Everybody stays up too late, sleeps in too late, is grouchy with me for making them get up, and has a million excuses or escape routes out of helping out around this house, etc. Working from home 7 days a week is weighing on me - and I have to have the kids help or I will totally cave. But today it has been nothing but sheer resistance. I feel like I live with four takers - take take take - and they never notice when I may not have any more to give, or heaven forbid, that I need something.
I drank a Caramel Iced Coffee yesterday evening while the kids were at Bible study that kept me up until 2 am and I think that may have something to do with my inability to cope. I am headed to bed very soon and will hope for a better day tomorrow. Ugh. And even while I know that there are real physical factors contributing, I also think that as soon as we praise the Lord for something - the enemy launches a counter-attack! How evil is that?
BTW - hubby and I made up which was an act of God. I still have a hostile teenager who doesn't think she should be punished - but I can live with that.


  1. Tomorrow will be a better day.
    I am tired, and believed until I went back and re-read that Travis' car had a blow out and he went over a ravine. Yikes. I am glad that is not the case. Now you willhave a car to use to drop the ungrateful children off at VBS' all over town :)

  2. I don't think there is a mom out there that can't at least in some way relate to your day.
    Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

  3. you know when it happens to me? after i've bragged on my husband.. it's almost guaranteed he will come home and do something that sends me into a frenzy and i will rant and rave about how i just praised his goofy bum.. (cleaned up version..:o)~
    of course he's always the problem too.. ;o)~
    and yet.. i know this.. and instead of realizing it's a trick of the devil while it's all happening.. i join right in.. yuck..
    but thank God for forgiveness eh?

    joy comes in the morning ....

  4. Oh sweetie! Praying you will have a better day today! We all have days like that.

  5. I can relate! The other day I had cleaned up the kitchen and started the dishwasher before I left for work. I came home and my 20 year old daughter had been making cookies and left a big mess all in the sink and counters. I thought,

    "Would it kill you to empty the dishwasher and then load up YOUR crap?"

    I hate the fact that no one takes the initiative to just do something for mom. They either have to be told and reminded or when I say something i get the look. You know the one,

    "What's got her panties in a wad?"


  6. Sending you some love here. It's hard to give all the time. I felt that way yesterday (without the blowout, this time) My kids have been sick all week, my DH lives where is new job is all week and we have to keep the house "Realtor Ready" and I have a two year old. :)

    I do the FlyLady "routines" thing and I've gotten my DD 11 into it. This seems to be the most helpful thing I've found. I printed her "routine" for her to check off, which helps some, but she is 11 so I don't have a clue how it is when they are older.
    ...when I've had a big blowout, sometimes I picture how I would like it to be now and the last time I did this...it worked.
    ...Leavin' some love.

  7. How are you doing today?

    Yes, Satan most definitely loves to attack just when you're singing God's praises about the wonderfulness of your relationships!

    I'm totally laughing about the hostile teenager statement. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it.


    PS If you need to run away for a brief moment, come visit me! We can have coffee and do something destructive...like go shopping! :-)

  8. We should have brought you to breakfast this morning. Maybe for my bd in July- what is halfway between BC and Texas, and can I get poached eggs, brown toast, home made hash browns, sausage and black tea with milk and honey there?
    Look I just have to say this- I love that you were so honest here. I love, love, love, that someone else feels this way sometimes too. I hope it helped to be able to share it. I am sure that you have prayed about it and gotten back on track, but I am so glad that you just said it like it was. I laughed out loud at the part where you talked about being divorced and childless- most of us can relate to that feeling, even though we don't want it to be true. I hope that it makes it a bit better to know that your totally crappy day will encourage me the next time I have one!

  9. Just reread my comment- wanted to clarify about the praying about it and getting back on track part- be quiet Kathleen- (she bugs me about being too paranoid that i offended someone). Anyways, I just was trying to say that i liked your honesty- as Christian women I think that sometimes we are too scared to say how we are feeling and coat it with scripture and spiritual talk. I like it when my friends sometimes let me rant a bit and give me some credit and know that i will get my attitude right with God and my family, but RIGHT then I needed to just vent. So, thank you for venting. Ok, I will stop hogging your space now.


Awaiting your words......
♥ Juls ♥