Yesterday morning I entered two posts on this here blog - one about my husband and how the Lord has bridged a gap with laughter, and the other about my children - how much I love them and want them to be with me every day. Today I want to be divorced and childless. Okay maybe there was too much drama in that statement - but I definitely would like to run away - at least for a couple of hours, but with my luck I'd probably run into somebody who had lost something, was hungry, or expected me to take care of them! Do you know in only a few short hours after posting those two entries, my husband and I had a major blow out - you know the kind that sends a car careening off a cliff into a dry ravine below. That kind of blow out. Big. Huge. Ugly. I wasn't too nice either.
Today I have felt overwhelmed by motherhood. Everybody stays up too late, sleeps in too late, is grouchy with me for making them get up, and has a million excuses or escape routes out of helping out around this house, etc. Working from home 7 days a week is weighing on me - and I have to have the kids help or I will totally cave. But today it has been nothing but sheer resistance. I feel like I live with four takers - take take take - and they never notice when I may not have any more to give, or heaven forbid, that I need something.
I drank a Caramel Iced Coffee yesterday evening while the kids were at Bible study that kept me up until 2 am and I think that may have something to do with my inability to cope. I am headed to bed very soon and will hope for a better day tomorrow. Ugh. And even while I know that there are real physical factors contributing, I also think that as soon as we praise the Lord for something - the enemy launches a counter-attack! How evil is that?
BTW - hubby and I made up which was an act of God. I still have a hostile teenager who doesn't think she should be punished - but I can live with that.