05 June 2007

Redefining Romance

In response to a post on my daughter's blog, I started thinking about romance. Kendra wrote about how she has romantic notions of love, but is somewhat apprehensive about the real thing. I think that is because as a society we have put too much stock in it. We pretend that the fluttery butterflies in our stomachs are the symptom that we are "in love". Sometimes we confuse sex for romance, in our sex-saturated culture - it is the message of soap operas, romance novels, and many movies. And then once the butterflies are gone, the relationship ends and our hearts that were never meant to be given away so freely, are shattered. Or worse, they're not and we move on looking for the next feeling.
I remember the moment it occurred to me, and it changed me forever. I had been on bedrest throughout most of my pregnancy with Kendra. I spent hours and hours and hours everyday watching a little black and white television, which was my only form of entertainment during the long hours of the day. Daytime TV in the 90s, without cable consisted of talk shows (in the Donahue era no less!) and soap operas. I got hooked on the soaps. As two toddlers slowly took over my life, I had less and less time for them. One day out of the blue, and I know it was from the Lord, I saw them as a poison. They were feeding me a scenario that was not realistic. A bunch of plastic people were going from relationship to relationship chasing the butterflies, giving up their bodies, and sacrificing their hearts. I realized that watching the soaps were affecting my expectations of my husband - the hard working man who would come in covered with dirt contrasted starkly with rich playboys with nothing better to do than womanize. And that day I decided - and I have.never.watched.them.again. Period.
I am proud of Kendra - she is wanting God's best. I have talked to her about not putting too much stock in "romance" and the stuff of fairy tales that no guy can live up to. Guarding her heart does not mean putting it in a steel box and never allowing anything or anyone to touch it. Song of Songs tells us not to "awaken love too soon". Really loving somebody is a process. I am having trouble navigating her through this as I gave my heart away freely and often as a teenager. But the Lord is the best teacher. I am going to keep pointing her to Him. He wrote the best Love Story of them all - He can surely author the one He has for her life as well.


  1. I grew up with the fairytale, Prince Charming mindset even though my parents divorced when I was only 6 years od. I had a warped view of love and thought sex equaled love. I come from a dysfunctional family background with alcolholism and illegitimacy. Unfortunately, I became another casualty in generational sin until...

    I gave my life to Christ! All the misconceptions and mistakes were wiped clean! My husband Dave is my 3rd husband and we've been married almost 21 years! He is the love of my life even during the times when we didn't like each other very much. On those days, God reminded us of the commitment we made to each other and to Him and we stood firm. Today, he is my best friend on earth and we enjoy spending tiime with one another!

    Interestingly, our church has just begun its Summer, Reel To Real series, where they take movies and see what Biblical Truths can be gleaned from them. It's a good way to have a series when so many people miss because of summer vacations. This summer's theme is REAL LOVE.

  2. I really liked your post. I remember giving up soaps about then too, for similar reasons. I have been married 26 years and it has had its trials. My overly expentant expectations have had a huge affect on that. My DS, two is sick, missed his nap and now wants to go to bed, so I'll cut this short. I saw this and want to share it... Deb, a homeschooling Mom of 7, lost her dear husband and I think I may try to support by buying this kit. I don't usually buy a lot. Homeschooling isn't cheap and I try to be frugal, but I can't imagine how she is coping with this. I don't know her, but I had visited her blog the day before and all was so normal and then her world just changed completely and it made me appreciate my DH all the more. It looks like a huge kit.

  3. The link didn't work
    I saw it on Diana's blog.

  4. What a wonderful post. It is so true how television and movies can mis-guide our thoughts on love.

  5. I needed your post off of Beths blog. My fami.ly has had so many trials that it is not even funny. Life has been very hard lately...and it is my constant prayer that He will fill me. I have spinal meningitis right now and my 2 year old has been sick for most of her life. I need to feel God's love right now. I just need Him and your post was a good reminder! :) Jenny William

  6. I wish you were still in WV so that you could express all these wonderful thoughts to my daughter when she needs it. So often when I read your posts I think "that's exactly what I want to say" but just never can put the words together and have them make sense. Somewhere between my brain and my mouth there is a broken connection! Your children are incredibly blessed to have you for their mother, Brenna will just have to make do with my stumbling, fumbling, attempts to help her through this life!! I love you and miss you.


Awaiting your words......
♥ Juls ♥