10 February 2012

God's Will and Small Steps in Dense Fog

One of the most interesting aspects of the Christian language is the assertion of what is and what is not "God's will", the quest to discern the will of God and the superstitious ways in which we apply this to our lives.  I do not believe that God's will is laid out before us neat and tidy like a map or a GPS directing us which way to turn. Personally, though I have no theological ground on which to base this outside of my own life experiences, "God's will" seems hidden in the day to day steps we take in faith that are followed by either peace or a total lack thereof.
I have heard Christians say, in regards to a matter for which they are seeking God's will, that a thing is "done" because they prayed about it.  The sting of such an arrogant statement lasts long after the issue does not conclude in our favor. Then who has failed, the person praying or God? Seldom have I heard anyone, following such a bold statement take credit for their error in projecting their own interests on God or misinterpreting His will, allowing the blame to fall squarely on the shoulders of a faultless God.
I had someone well meaning tell me when I was separated once from my ex-husband that since we weren't Christians when we got married, that we did so apart from "God's will" - asserting that divorce would then place me back in a right standing with God by realigning myself with "His will" for my life.  The truth is that when the end of that marriage came, it was much like stepping off of a cliff and hoping that I wouldn't splat at the bottom.  God's will was not clear. I felt a nudge in one direction and took one step, but the rest of the path was dense with heavy fog. I could not have said at the beginning of that journey that I knew where it would lead. My heart was open, but it was literally the journey of a thousand miles taken one step at a time.
So often as humans we do what we want to do, and God meets us along the way that He already knew we would take and works all things out according to the good of those who love Him. This is the immeasurable beauty of free will - that He does not abandon us when we lose our footing on the path He would have us on. It is a bitter pill to swallow when someone you love is doing something you hate and accrediting it to God and His dang-blasted will.  All things being equal, my misgivings about this could also be a sign to them that this isn't "God's will".  In my experience, those looking for the signs to point in the direction they are already making plans to go will not see what they don't want to see.
Sometimes my faith is so small that I struggle to hold tightly to the truth of the good intentions for me of a Love that I cannot comprehend.  For today, right now, in this moment I can say whatever His will may be, everything is going to be alright.