18 April 2008

Time to Fess Up

This statement always terrifies me - I have a hard time hearing it, and an even harder time saying it. I have a lot of reasons to be completely terrified, in a blood running cold kind of way, because I lived the ups and downs of a childhood with a maniacally-depressed mother.
But I think I am battling some mild depression right now.
I am starting avoidance behaviors - I don't want to answer the phone. I am serious - it has made me shudder in the last few days when it rings. But since I know it is unhealthy, I only allow myself to reject the call for legitimate reasons, like if I'm in the middle of something.
I don't want to do anything. I can't remember the last time I really "did" my hair or put on make-up, although having always had an aversion to body odor, and poor hygiene, I have been bathing, brushing my teeth and combing my hair - but why does it seem to take so much effort?
(this is when, blessing or curse though it may be I am thankful to be working at home)
I have felt like I want to stay in bed, but haven't allowed myself that either.
There are situations and circumstances that I know have contributed to this bump in the road. I just thought it might help someone else if I share where I am.
My daughter wants to go to the mall today - and sadly since we do not reside in the happy plastic euphoria of credit card debt, there will be no retail therapy. But, I think hanging out with my girl might do me some good.
Ugh, I gotta go do my hair. (I only do it for the rest of the world that has to look at me!)

8 comments:

  1. It must be National Funk Week. I am usually coming out of my skin bursting with so much energy I don't know what to do with myself. Yesterday at soccer I just laid on the grass. All I wanted to do was go to bed & eat pizza & twinkies all day. And you know how I feel about "avoidance behavior" & not answering the phone, so I will be no help or comfort there. I don't consider that unhealthy in the least. All this to say that life is made up of cycles, ups & downs, highs & lows, joy & sadness. You are NOT turning into your mother. It's okay to be sad and occasionally ungroomed. If it weren't, all the museums & libraries would be empty because it is through our dark days that we really see, grow & create. Hang in there. Sit back, ride it out & see where it takes you. I promise there also is absolutely NOTHING unhealthy about not going to the mall. :) Love you. "i carry your heart"

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  2. *gentle hugs* I love you, Julie!

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  3. I've been having a time myself, but I attribute it to "the time of the month". It's been an exceptionally rough one for me this go around. I do believe that it's normal to feel all of the ways you are feeling - at least normal for me. I often have days where I don't want to answer the phone or go anywhere. That's a big part of why I work outside of the home. It helps me to stay active, be around people and keeps me from falling into the rut that I so easily could. You're probably just feeling overloaded and burdened right now and your body is trying to tell you to take a break, check out for a while and re-energize yourself and your spirit. Listen to your body - give yourself the time you need to re-boot and I'm sure in no time you'll bounce back to yourself again. Love ya!

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  4. I'm sorry friend. :(
    That's all I can say. Keep writing. That's wonderful therapy for you.

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  5. Sorry you are feeling down but I also agree that we do have hormonal shifts. I don't answer the phone I hate talking to people I don't know.

    You have been going through a lot and maybe you just need some down time :)

    If it lasts for an extended period of time then I would be concerned.

    Go out and get some sunshine and soak in the freash air.

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  6. Julie, I too can relate. I appreciated reading the other comments here too. Very encouraging and insightful! I also grew up with a manically depressed mother. It was a roller coaster ride sometimes.

    I hope you get some time to relax and rejuvenate this weekend.

    (((( HUG ))))

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  7. Julie,

    Thinking of you. You've had so much on your plate lately, it's no wonder that you're feeling blah. Know that you are welcome here for a visit anytime.

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Awaiting your words......
♥ Juls ♥