18 April 2008

Time to Fess Up

This statement always terrifies me - I have a hard time hearing it, and an even harder time saying it. I have a lot of reasons to be completely terrified, in a blood running cold kind of way, because I lived the ups and downs of a childhood with a maniacally-depressed mother.
But I think I am battling some mild depression right now.
I am starting avoidance behaviors - I don't want to answer the phone. I am serious - it has made me shudder in the last few days when it rings. But since I know it is unhealthy, I only allow myself to reject the call for legitimate reasons, like if I'm in the middle of something.
I don't want to do anything. I can't remember the last time I really "did" my hair or put on make-up, although having always had an aversion to body odor, and poor hygiene, I have been bathing, brushing my teeth and combing my hair - but why does it seem to take so much effort?
(this is when, blessing or curse though it may be I am thankful to be working at home)
I have felt like I want to stay in bed, but haven't allowed myself that either.
There are situations and circumstances that I know have contributed to this bump in the road. I just thought it might help someone else if I share where I am.
My daughter wants to go to the mall today - and sadly since we do not reside in the happy plastic euphoria of credit card debt, there will be no retail therapy. But, I think hanging out with my girl might do me some good.
Ugh, I gotta go do my hair. (I only do it for the rest of the world that has to look at me!)


  1. It must be National Funk Week. I am usually coming out of my skin bursting with so much energy I don't know what to do with myself. Yesterday at soccer I just laid on the grass. All I wanted to do was go to bed & eat pizza & twinkies all day. And you know how I feel about "avoidance behavior" & not answering the phone, so I will be no help or comfort there. I don't consider that unhealthy in the least. All this to say that life is made up of cycles, ups & downs, highs & lows, joy & sadness. You are NOT turning into your mother. It's okay to be sad and occasionally ungroomed. If it weren't, all the museums & libraries would be empty because it is through our dark days that we really see, grow & create. Hang in there. Sit back, ride it out & see where it takes you. I promise there also is absolutely NOTHING unhealthy about not going to the mall. :) Love you. "i carry your heart"

  2. *gentle hugs* I love you, Julie!

  3. I've been having a time myself, but I attribute it to "the time of the month". It's been an exceptionally rough one for me this go around. I do believe that it's normal to feel all of the ways you are feeling - at least normal for me. I often have days where I don't want to answer the phone or go anywhere. That's a big part of why I work outside of the home. It helps me to stay active, be around people and keeps me from falling into the rut that I so easily could. You're probably just feeling overloaded and burdened right now and your body is trying to tell you to take a break, check out for a while and re-energize yourself and your spirit. Listen to your body - give yourself the time you need to re-boot and I'm sure in no time you'll bounce back to yourself again. Love ya!

  4. I'm sorry friend. :(
    That's all I can say. Keep writing. That's wonderful therapy for you.

  5. Sorry you are feeling down but I also agree that we do have hormonal shifts. I don't answer the phone I hate talking to people I don't know.

    You have been going through a lot and maybe you just need some down time :)

    If it lasts for an extended period of time then I would be concerned.

    Go out and get some sunshine and soak in the freash air.

  6. Julie, I too can relate. I appreciated reading the other comments here too. Very encouraging and insightful! I also grew up with a manically depressed mother. It was a roller coaster ride sometimes.

    I hope you get some time to relax and rejuvenate this weekend.

    (((( HUG ))))

  7. Hope you feel better soon.

  8. Julie,

    Thinking of you. You've had so much on your plate lately, it's no wonder that you're feeling blah. Know that you are welcome here for a visit anytime.


Awaiting your words......
♥ Juls ♥