I am experiencing a brokenness. There are a lot of metaphors for the feelings. I feel like I am beneath the water that is covered with a surface of ice I cannot penetrate. Sugar melting in the rain. Riding a merry-go round that is spinning 100 miles per hour and comes to a sudden stop. The movie "Honey I Shrunk the Kids" has new meaning, as I know what it is like to feel so very small, and God so big that I cannot discern His voice from all of the noise.
I am struggling with being told to honor that which is dishonorable. I am aching from the Bible, the source of comfort and healing having been wielded as a weapon against me as a person, instead of the real enemy at work ripping and tearing flesh and blood apart. Are children who were not brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord exempt or is God also a participant in this cruel torture?
I feel cryptic, like the poem I wrote last night is the only way I can communicate right now, to protect the innocent; to protect myself from feeling it all too deeply.