I have been treading water for a long time, wanting to give up and feeling "far" from God in my broken, irritable, depressed and floundering state. I have gained weight, broken out, broken down, contemplated running away, and felt as they say "lower than the belly of a snake". I keep trying to maintain and hold it altogether. I have worried as some would say about my "witness".
Darin Hufford's post at the Free Believer's Network she linked to, titled "Authentic Spirituality"was just what I needed to hear. It was about the smoke and mirrors of our spirituality. The whole post was tremendously affirming of a lot of thoughts I have had over the last several years, but this part leaped off of the page and spoke like a megaphone to my heart:
Being spiritual, in my opinion, is when an individual embraces every facet of their humanity with no apologies, knowing well that their shortcomings are not evidence of God's absence but rather, evidence of life.
Where I am. In the confusion. In the brokenness. In the frustration. In fact, I would go so far as to say that the reality of my present circumstances manifested for others to see, without drawing a veil around it may be in fact a better witness. Things hurt. Life is hard. It is the experience of being human. As Darin describes it, "life on an ass". The picture of Jesus. Not royalty carried around on a pillow, but the hard, bumpy ride of a donkey on unpaved paths and cobblestone sidewalks.
I am blessed with insurmountable humanity.