I am sure there are hours of therapy that might lead somewhere on this topic. I know that Christianity is all about giving up your rights, as Christ did in laying down His life. We are to be ever emulating Him in this example. Sometimes it is just so hard to do.
I am sorting through an issue, and trying to decide if I really need to have someone else acknowledge that I am right about something. All evidence to the contrary - photographic evidence I might add - they still won't budge from their need to be right. Is it stubborn pride that won't allow me to concede the issue? As if my last post doesn't articulate it clearly - it isn't the being wrong that I am afraid of, it is the never being heard or allowed to think differently. My memories replaced by someone else's imagination, my thoughts trumped by a work of fiction.
The first time I ever had my heart broken, I was told to "suck it up". If I said I missed my dad, I was told what a loser her was and how pathetic it was that I cared for him at all - and vice versa. Everything I thought and felt and needed and valued was diminished at every level.
As an adult I am still in this cycle. I am constantly told that I need to worry about what "really matters", and that I worry about things that are insignificant. I am told that feelings are trivial, and that my dreams only matter when there is a monetary value from which someone else might benefit.
Insignificance - this would be the story of my life. It's like this silent guttural scream that can't be heard of the din of the crowd.
I have to write this or I won't be able to bear it at all. I wouldn't be able to talk through the emotion. If you are looking for light blogging - you may want to peruse elsewhere for the next couple of posts. I so resonated with Bonnie Hunt's line in Jerry Maguire - "I'm incapable of small talk." I really am right now.