09 May 2008

I Blog, Therefore I Am

Just some thoughts off the cuff this morning. Sometimes we get perceptions that aren't even close to true and what other people say about us starts to shape what we even think of ourselves. I was told in a comment during a very dark time about a week ago that my blog was the "whiniest" they had ever read. It made me feel a bit better to realize they had only had their blogger profile for 2 days - but nonetheless it was a mar to my image of self.
I pride myself on being a typically optimistic person while none of my life has been particularly rosy. I try to keep myself focused on the glass that is half full, and even harder not to lament that it is full of water when I really want coke and rum. Life is just what it is, and for better or worse we take it one day at a time.
Have I ever mentioned that I can't use that phrase without thinking of Valerie Bertinelli, and was greatly distressed the other day to hear that my husband had never seen this show that was an icon of my childhood. But I digress.....
I am an extrovert for the most part who is finding myself living more and more inside my head. I can't seem to connect with anyone lately including my family and find almost every human interaction exhausting. This is a scary place for me. I used to always be energized by the crowd, animated with stories, full of laughter. I think a large part of it is that I had a community of people who brought that out in me. Now I just want to figure out a way to work my way back to them, but I'm stuck.
I was watching a clip on Good Morning America this morning with Barbara Walters - evidently there is an interview where the tables are turned and she is the one being asked all the questions. Robin Roberts was asking her if there was any one question that she should have asked, but didn't, and Barbara said it was "what is the greatest misconception about you"? Her answer was that she was controlled - and she didn't bleed. I get that - sometimes I think that we hold things together so much that others think we haven't a care in the world. Often in my life I have been the one in the room laughing the loudest, but that doesn't mean I wasn't likely hurting the deepest.
I am a person, just like you, making it one day at a time. Some days I laugh, and some days I cry. There are times when I am doing more of one than the other. Some times I whine and other times I can pull myself up by my big girl panties and deal with it. Don't think for a minute that by reading this blog that you may really and truly know me. You may know me better than I know myself - but there is still much left to be searched out that only true relationship can find.

6 comments:

  1. Good points here Julie. There is a lot more to us than what one percieves in our blogs, and then on the flip side, we reveal more on our blogs sometimes than we do to some that we know in RL. We must be careful in our perceptions of others.

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  2. yep, blogs only show parts and even if you're a talented writer (which you are!) it's just not possible to convey everything.

    And if you're ANYthing like me....I'll type something that I'm all ranted up about and then walk away and 1 hour later, I'm different. But people can read that post 1 week from now and still have that image of me in their heads.

    weird.

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  3. love the glass half full comment--I'd prefer beer to water ;)

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  4. Don't worry about what others think of your blog. When I write in my blog I'm getting things off of my chest. It's freeing for me. I couldn't care less what some may think of it, because I know that some people enjoy it. Look at all of the CRAP out there that people are writing about!

    I love your blog. It's one of the first ones I check everyday. Keep writing and ignore people who are negative. If they don't like your blog they could just not read it!

    Your words connect you to others. There are other people out here who can relate to you. You words may make them feel better just knowing that they're not alone in what they're going thru.

    Someone will always not like what you're doing...oh well...who cares!

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  5. I wrote you a comment all about One Day at A Time and it got lost when Richard unplugged the router. :(
    Anyway - I remember the show.
    And if someone doesn't like your blog they can stop reading it and go drink a half empty glass of water.

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  6. LOve it girl, so right too, I am the same way. I appear strong and like I got it all together(well I do) HA HA ok sometimes I do...

    I just don't let everyone know what's really going on.

    I would love to have someone to tell all to but I guess I keeep a lot to myself, contrary to what my blog says.

    We can laugh and cry and deal because we are women!!!!

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Awaiting your words......
♥ Juls ♥