29 June 2008

Homesick Manifesto

I have had a lot of difficulties adjusting since we moved to Texas in May 2006. Most of them were well anticipated - as I was leaving the first long-term "home" I had ever had, and the friends the Lord surrounded me with to give me the family of his making, not biological but the ones with ties that wrap all the way around your heart, and are not easily undone.
There is a lot that could be said about all the places that I have lived. I counted them out once and there are more than 20 different towns in states up and down most of the east coast. My parents' divorce was the cause for a lot of it. My personal insecurities caused me to continue a lot of this pattern into my adult life. However, in 1995 after a three month separation, Travis and I settled in Harpers Ferry, West Virginia - and there we stayed for almost 11 years. I made the best friends I had ever had in my life. These were the people who gathered around when my babies were born, the ones who filled our home with their presence and prayer support when we were in need, rejoiced with us when something good happened, and cried with us when we struggled and suffered. They are the people who would leave toilet paper and laundry detergent on the front seat of our car when they knew Travis was out of work, and point at one another and shrug their shoulders unknowingly when asked about it to preserve our dignity. They are the ones who filled your life with great excitement and surprise in the everyday of it all, side by side. We would hang out in the wee hours of the morning together, play games, talk, laugh, debate. I finally had the family that I had always wanted. I knew moving away would be hard, but felt that we owed it to Travis to get to know his family and try to make a life where he wanted to be.
The thing is, being here has been hell. It isn't the place or the people, but it is truly that my heart is elsewhere. We haven't succeeded in building the family relationships that we had hoped to, and find that we are quite alone. Financially we are in the same boat. With the rising economy, I have realized that in a short amount of time, we will quickly be stuck wherever it is that we live with little life outside, unable to even afford a yearly trip home to the people we love and who love us. I feel that we have made every effort to transplant our hearts here and find that the soil is not conducive to establishing good, healthy roots. I feel that if we don't get back to the soil where we thrive, we will wither and die. The kids have made it clear to me that they feel the same way, which gives me leave to express it fully knowing that I am not the only one who knows that this is not where we belong.
No whining, just a statement. This is my manifesto - my proclamation to the world - I don't know how, and I don't now when, but I am going home.


  1. That's how I felt when I moved to Nashville. I really didn't belong there, but after awhile, I knew I had to make the best of it. I hope you do get to go home. You should be around people who love you. I've never had friends like the ones you described. I would miss them too!

  2. I'm so sad for you to read how sad you are. I know all too well how you feel Julie. Over the years, that I made my home over "on the mountain" are times I'll never forget. When days were the darkest and hardest and I came so close to packing up and moving home (300 miles away), the relationships I had developed in Jefferson County were what kept me from leaving. There were always letters/cards of encouragement, hugs, helping hands, phone calls and praying hearts and baby sitters (you being one of them) to see me through. Not to mention the new roof and deck (guys from the church) and another day of caring when ladies from the church came and helped me clean my house when I was overwhelmed. I have been in Berkeley County for almost 4 years now and God has lead me to a church that I am very comfortable in and I'm thankful. Just recently have I gotten back in touch with some of the people I loved dearly in Jefferson County. I'll never forget how good my friends and brothers and sisters in Christ were to me.
    I hope this doesn't make your sadness worse, Julie. I just had to comment on how I could relate and I pray it will work out you can come back home. You can call me anytime.
    Lisa B

  3. I'm sorry Jewls, I do understand, you know I've told you a little about moving to PA. We were there 7 years before we moved here.

    I have never experienced friendship that you describe so I can see how you miss that. I also don't even know what *home* is, home is where we hang our hat :)
    I have lived all over the place and do not have one place that I long for. Who knows how long we will live here? I like it here but we have lots of challenges here too.
    Thinking about you and praying for you.

  4. How my heart hurts for you! I know so well what you are describing. My heart has been there too. When we left Idaho 9 years ago I left my family, my life long friends, and the only place that I had ever known as home. I didn't think I would ever make a life like that again.

    It took me a long time to adjust to WV. It did help that I had friends like you to help me along. But there were so many times it was physically painful because I was so homesick. I cried tears and tears and tears. It was a good 5 years before I really felt like it was home here and that I had friends that were closer than family.

    I really, really, really hope you can make your way back here sometime soon. I would LOVE it. My kids would LOVE it. But I do want you to know that if it doesn't happen soon that it will get easier. Especially if you really rely on God and try to be content and be where he has you.

    I know it is cliche but we will all be in heaven before you know it. This life is just a breathe. Keep looking forward and not backward. From someone who has and at times still is where you are. I love you!

  5. I know that this is something that you feel very deeply about as you have mentioned it before. I am also glad that you can find the positives in the place you live now- like in your last post.

  6. Thank you all I have THE best blogging buddies anywhere

  7. *hugs, love and prayers* let us know if you need anything!!

  8. *HUGS* West Virginia misses you too. Remember though that the state slogan is "ALMOST Heaven..." We have our own issues and problems here. I came across this quote earlier today and I thought I'd share

    "The older I get, the more I feel like an exile, that I don’t belong here. And I don’t. I was made for heaven, and my heart is longing for it." Fr. John Corapi

  9. I love dwayne d's quote!

    I sure hope you get to come home, at least for a visit. We're only about 3 hours away from Harpers Ferry.

  10. Come back then. I know I say that a lot.

  11. Good luck! I can tell you that if you are really determined, money won't stand in your way.

    We are not happy where we are but we decided to try to LIVE our life here while we wait for the time to go home. I don't want to see us be miserable for the next two years just wishing we were home. It is HARD though. Boy do I understand about being stuck financially.

    It sounds like you have wonderful friends waiting for you. I hope it all works out.



Awaiting your words......
♥ Juls ♥