19 June 2008

Updates and a Confession

It made my heart grow faint when I saw this message on my dashboard "scheduled outage at 2:00 PM PDT". It says only 10 minutes. Okay - I can handle that.
An update on the FaxZero service - works like a charm. The only issue I can see is that you can only send .doc (Word) documents or .pdf (Adobe Acrobat) documents. I have used both the free fax and the $1.99 faxing options. They both went through successfully - so have at it.
And.... if you've read here more than once you know that I'm pretty upfront with things. I share my heart unabashedly; the good, the bad, the ugly, the partially processed thoughts and the thoughts with fillers (think of your brain as SPAM). So I have a wee confession of sorts to make, as they say confession is good for the soul. I have been a neglectful mother. I have been under a tremendous amount of stress because of our financial situation - which is extreme in ways I cannot express fully here out of respect for the privacy of others. That stress has led me to hole up on my computer - and while I have been busy in ways that are productive - working on my planner, writing assignments, helping friends, going way overboard with my job - because I can immerse myself there and zone out. Yep - I've kept up with the housework, cooked meals, planned things - but I haven't been really tuned in as a mom. Can anybody relate to that half-listening state and the feeling of just wanting to be left alone? It isn't them. It is totally me. I don't want to be asked for something I can't give. I can't take another expectation, question, heart to heart because I am kinda spent - and the biggest drain is stress. Please pray for us - because in the next week to 10 days, we will either have relief or our situation will increase a hundred-fold. I can feel it in my neck, my back, my head.
This evening, the kids and I are going to a local water park for a few hours reprieve. I am going to squeeze my chubby little butt into a bathing suit and go float some of my cares away on the lazy river with my kids. I will not think about anything else. I will laugh. I will enjoy their smiles. I will look them in the eye. I will remember what a privilege it is to be their mom.
Thanks for letting me spew a bit. You can wipe yourselves off now!


  1. You know I get the financial situation. Sometimes I get in my head and don't want to deal with anything either.
    Have a great day!
    No worries mate :)

  2. I understand the wanting to be left alone! Sometimes life makes you feel that way. I'm glad you're getting to go out with the kids. We do withold ourselves from them sometimes.

    Have fun! Laugh and just enjoy them!

  3. Oh Julie, I so relate right now. I understand. Your kids will be just fine. I'm praying for you my friend. Go enjoy your time in the water and try to laugh with those wonderful children of yours.

    Love you!

  4. We all have times we need to mentally check out and take a break from life's stresses. You are a good mother and you give your kids a ton more time and attention than probably the majority (remember our childhood?)

    I'm worried - is there anything I can do to help you get through this situation?

  5. Julie,

    I hope you enjoyed your time with your kiddos today and that your stress washed away in that lazy river.

    Praying for you...

  6. Seems we're always walking similar paths. 20 days from now John will be taking some tests concerning possible future employment. Whatever the results they will be life changing. Today, I'm leaning heavily on Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God"

    Holly and I went to a water park today too. I am a sunscreen fanatic but she came home sunburned. I'm feeling horrible. . .

    You're in my prayers dear friend.

  7. Your kids never doubt what a great mom they have.


Awaiting your words......
♥ Juls ♥