I heard this song yesterday that had a line in the chorus, "it's hard to say it, hard to say it, goodbye, goodbye". A few months ago, the sadness would've carried me on that chorus into another new wave of grief. It was different yesterday.
I also got an email from a friend telling me that she missed me and would do anything just to spend a day together again. I feel the same, but the feeling didn't make me sad, I just let myself feel it and it was okay.
I was telling a new friend who is also struggling with being new in this area that it seems that there were huge waves of grief not long ago that would come up to your neck and knock you over. Those same waves are now only waist high, and sometimes only lap at my ankles.
I had a 45 minute drive by myself to the Mom's Meeting at our new co-op, with my new Casting Crowns CD. The ladies at the co-op meeting prayed together over some pretty serious needs, but have a genuine respect and love for one another that is palpable in the room. I was overwhelmed with emotion as I realized how much I want to be friends with some of them. It is a place I thought my heart would never go again. On the way home, I felt so healed of so much, and worshipped there in my mini-van like I haven't in a while.