My Jesus Would Never be Accepted in my Church

There is this song by Todd Agnew called My Jesus. In fact I posted the video here not long ago. (If you click on it, you'll have to scroll down.) It is one of those songs that just sticks with you. I can hear this song as if it were streaming through my head, day and night. Lately it has gotten stronger, louder, clearer - compelling me to think about what it means to live like Jesus. There is just one place where I get stuck - two little lines that irk me -

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet

The question rings in my thoughts - why - why would you go to a church where Jesus, if he walked in the back door, would not be welcome? What is a church that values the carpet or the environment or programs or cleanliness or policies more than Christ? It is nothing but a country club with a religious focus. I don't need a "club" to belong to, I'd rather belong to the body of Christ. I don't need a denomination, I'd rather be a lover and follower of Jesus. My Jesus.

WOW Worship

No - not the CD. I saw this video on a blog that I read fairly regularly called My Emerging Faith - and it was amazing. So true, so true and it left me speechless.

Into the Future

I heard this song yesterday that had a line in the chorus, "it's hard to say it, hard to say it, goodbye, goodbye". A few months ago, the sadness would've carried me on that chorus into another new wave of grief. It was different yesterday.
I also got an email from a friend telling me that she missed me and would do anything just to spend a day together again. I feel the same, but the feeling didn't make me sad, I just let myself feel it and it was okay.
I was telling a new friend who is also struggling with being new in this area that it seems that there were huge waves of grief not long ago that would come up to your neck and knock you over. Those same waves are now only waist high, and sometimes only lap at my ankles.
I had a 45 minute drive by myself to the Mom's Meeting at our new co-op, with my new Casting Crowns CD. The ladies at the co-op meeting prayed together over some pretty serious needs, but have a genuine respect and love for one another that is palpable in the room. I was overwhelmed with emotion as I realized how much I want to be friends with some of them. It is a place I thought my heart would never go again. On the way home, I felt so healed of so much, and worshipped there in my mini-van like I haven't in a while.

Undone - What About Fellowship?

I imagine that I will have more than one question to answer, or more than one follow-up to post about this post. This first one is to answer my friend Jane's question about gathering together with other believers. I used eSword to study this verse - Hebrews 10:25 - that says this:

Heb 10:25 Not³³⁶¹ forsaking¹⁴⁵⁹ the³⁵⁸⁸ assembling of ourselves together,^{1997, 1438} as²⁵³¹ the manner¹⁴⁸⁵ of some⁵¹⁰⁰ is; but²³⁵ exhorting³⁸⁷⁰ one another: and²⁵³² so much⁵¹¹⁸ the more,³¹²³ as³⁷⁴⁵ ye see⁹⁹¹ the³⁵⁸⁸ day²²⁵⁰ approaching.¹⁴⁴⁸

I felt that inevitably this verse would come up - so I thought I would just cut to the chase. While this verse does say that we should not forsake assembling as believers, it does not say that on Sunday from 11:00 – 12:15 and on Wednesday from 7:00 – 8:00 and if you really want brownie points you can make it to Sunday School an hour before church, or a Sunday evening service. It says to get together as believers, encourage each other. Make it a habit – but not a ritual. But what we’ve done is make it a ritual – and we use this verse to place guilt on each other.

Here’s how the same verse is interpreted in The Message:

Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshipping together as some do, but spurring each other on especially as we see the Day approaching.

Let’s see how inventive we can be…..are you encouraged because I fill the pew behind you for one hour on a Sunday and Wednesday night? Maybe we never even speak – and sit in stony silence waiting for our shot in the arm, but we’re doing it at the same time. How much more full can the fellowship believers be than that?

When I think of worshipping with other believers, I am reminded that my purpose, the reason I am alive is to worship, and that any opportunity I have to be with other Christians praying, talking about – reading – chewing on the Word, giving spiritual counsel to a neighbor while we’re walking together or over coffee, riding down the road in the car with my kids singing worship songs to Jesus – these are all true to the spirit of that verse. For our family, we are considering opening our home to a house church – but we’re waiting on the Lord for direction. Right now we just need to detox .

I know every church is not like this – just the majority. What a blessing if this is not your observation of your local body.

What we do and call it “fellowship” or “worship” so much of the time is a performance. We want the approval of everyone but God. I know that what we are doing will not be approved of by everyone. But it is not anyone’s approval that I am after. I am coloring outside the lines. It may intimidate some. That’s okay. It would’ve intimidated me not long ago. My back is to the church, but my eyes are still on Jesus.

Thanks Jane for the great question – I need to work this out in my discussion with others as well. A lot of these things are unarticulated thoughts. I appreciate the feedback, and the non-judgmental way in which you asked the question.

Sermon Ponderings - Worship - Jesus Be the Center

One of the things that I have missed so much since we moved from WV was being involved in a church where worship was a priority. Singing hymns can be awesome. I can sing them now in a way I never did, really meditating on the words and the depth of meaning the great hymn-writers intended when they were penned. I think many would be aghast at what they have become - rote recitations of familiarity, sung with little heart, and little grasp at the context.
Today we attended theBridge which is a church we were attending for the last year or so before we moved. Although they meet in the auditorium of a local elementary school, the Spirit of God is there. They have made reaching the community for Christ a priority over having a building. I just love the heart of the people there. They draw you in. We never became members, but when we come "home" we know where we will be welcomed as family.
Today's sermon was the fifth part in a series on worship. It was like a drink of water to a thirsty person. Having been part of a praise and worship team for over six years, I know how easily it can become about the "band", or the "music". The sermon today was about how worship is intended to center our hearts and our worship on Christ. Pastor Tim focused on Revelation 5, and the spacial concepts there - Christ on the throne in the center - and everyone else positioned around Christ in worship. I drew a diagram as the pastor illustrated the point and it really brought it home.
I had this thought - that anytime I put myself in the center, I am committing treason - as I attempt to dethrone my King. Ponder that a minute! Culturally, in the US we don't understand the respect commanded by a king. It is hard to grasp this in a culture where a President is put on national TV to deny "sexual relations" with a young woman, with a shame-stained dress as evidence displayed for all the world to see.
I digress, worship - the purpose is to keep our King, the one who will never shame us with scandal, never lie, never cheat, doesn't lose His concentration, etc. on the throne at the center of our hearts.
If you are interested - this excellent sermon series is online here. You can go back and listen to the beginning of this series - and they should soon have the most recent sermons uploaded. Let me know what you think if you listen.

CD Recommendation - Top of My Lungs

Oohh! I just have to recommend a CD. One thing that is always such a lift to my spirits is worship music. I love the song "Your Name":

Your Name is a strong and mighty tower
Your Name is a shelter like no other
Your Name ~ let the nations sing it louder
Cause nothing has the power to save
But Your Name

Today I was listening to the radio and heard the theme song of their new CD "Top of My Lungs". It was awesome. Listening to it on the way home this evening with Kendra I started bawling when the song "Amazed" was playing. The chorus goes like this:

Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You ~ how You love me

This was exactly what I have been feeling - why would HE love ME. That's the beauty part - even though He totally knows me - He just does.
If you're looking for a good CD - this one comes highly recommended.

WOW Hymns! Yep hymns!

None of my friends back in WV will probably believe this - but this is my new favorite CD. It is so awesome! Having always gone to a church with more contemporary praise and worship music, it has been a big transition to be at a church where for at least an interim until they hire a worship leader, the music is all hymn music. But I have learned to enjoy the rich godly heritage my children are gleaning during this time. This CD has some of those old classics done in a slightly newer way - but not in such a way as to defile them or make them unrecognizable. And best of all, yesterday we were in the car listening to this and my 9 year old son said, "Guess what my favorite hymn is?" I was totally shocked because I didn't know he even had a favorite hymn. He said, "It goes like this....This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long." We turned the CD off and sang Blessed Assurance together - my girls harmonizing as we sang. What a blessing - you never know what will come along when you make your heart wide open for any way God would speak to you! I still love praise and worship, but I am learning to delight in these songs that came from the worshipful hearts of saints of old.
Right now I am listening to Casting Crowns singing, "Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him, how I've proved Him o'er and o'er........" That is my story too! I have proved the faithful love of Christ in the life of this cracked clay vessel over and over.

There Are Hardly Words to Describe

I love missions - I don't know why the Lord etched this as part of who I am so deeply on my heart - or what if anything he ever plans to do with it, but when I watched the video of Taiwanese people worshiping the Lord together on this blog, I could scarcely stop crying. I keep thinking about every tribe and tongue and nation worshiping together one day. Precious.
Also, while you're at this blog - check out yesterday's post. What a creative lunch! We think ants on a log is something special! ha!

Knees to the Earth

Have you ever heard a song, and you knew through it that God was comforting you? I started listening to this one after Boomama's blog about music! I was walking through the house singing this with all my heart earlier today - what comfort, how precious, it was a moment, a "walk" if you will with the Lord.

Knees to the Earth
by: Watermark

Wonderful Savior
My heart belongs to Thee
I will remember - always - the blood You shed for me
Wonderful Savior
My heart will know Your worth
So I will embrace You - always - as I walk this earth

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high
Be treasured here
Be glorified
I owe my life to You, my Lord
Here I am......

Beautiful Jesus
How may I bless Your heart?
Knees to the earth - I bow down - to everything You are
Beautiful Jesus
You are my only worth
So let me embrace You - always -as I walk this earth

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high
Be treasured here
Be glorified
I owe my life to You, my Lord
Here I am......

The second verse just grabbed me - my worth is in Him - my treasure is in Him - He is the reason that I am anything - and all that I have to offer Him is this life. I don't want to waste one more second tripping over the snares of loneliness, homesickness, or even rejection. He is all - He is enough - He is everything. Oh, how I love Jesus, because He first loved me.
If anyone knows how to upload a music clip on Blogger - I would love to be educated!

Contrived

My husband and I sat in Sunday school a few weeks ago - and there were some women sitting in the row in front of us. He kept leaning towards me and pointing at each woman in turn, whispering, "Have you tried talking to her?" It made me giggle - and I shushed him because I was afraid somebody would hear. Friendship is something that just happens, and not something that you can go looking for. It is bizarre to think that you "plan" to be friends with someone. I was blessed with a wonderful group of friends in West Virginia. I miss them terribly - but here is the thing - they all still have their lives. Things keep going. They are the lucky ones. Their absence screams out loud in my life daily.
We are sort of in the same situation with the church we've been going to. The pastor's sermons are great - thought provoking, convicting, and Bible based. What is lacking is in the people - they are friendly while you're there at church - but outside of that they tend to stay to themselves. But the absolute worst part for me is the worship time. When we first attended and met with the pastor we were told that they were supposed to be hiring a worship leader - and now there are plans and things far into the future being discussed with the same interim leader - who has a beautiful heart - but the worship time is really lacking. I mean really. Monotone singing, heads down with eyes in the hymnal - and no real sense of worship. I have heard more upbeat music played at funerals than what we have had the last two Sundays. I cannot imagine permanently being planted there in that situation. The thing is that I feel it necessary to stick with it because it seems the only venue for meeting people and establishing some roots.
It is all very contrived. It all feels fake. It all feels useless. I am not sure what will come of it all - I just know that suddenly - in the last two days it has hit me like a ton of bricks - the discouragement. I am going to be seeking the Lord on these things. I am thankful that His mercies are new every morning. It seems to lift and descend and lift and descend.

Our Window Garden

I was so excited when I heard that the last frost for our area in SE Texas was the 1st of March! I can't wait to get my garden started. I have really gotten excited about it this weekend because the weather has been so sunny and nice. Last Friday afternoon, Kullen and I covered the 7 x 5 island in my kitchen with dirt, and pots, egg cartons, and seeds of a large assortment. I had purchased these shelves to sit near a sunny window and start my seeds, so I figured I had better get them going. After we were all finished, I really and truly wondered if we would actually grow anything. But yesterday (only 2 1/2 days after planting them!) we started to see some sprouts! Zucchini and squash, melons and cucumbers are all coming up first. Some of the other plants, such as tomatoes, peppers and some of the herbs I planted seem a bit more reluctant. We started some of the seeds in soil, and others in a sort of terrarium environment with these neat pellet things that you expand with water and push the seeds in their centers. This is actually where we're seeing the best results so far. We are also using a "plant" light - as it has been so rainy here in east Texas that I wasn't sure there would be enough sunlight to get these babies going! Kullen is very excited about it- and he even gets upset with me if I happen to water it without him. I think this is one of the best learning experiences of all. I am enjoying the opportunity to work on it with him. I love the lessons of nurturing something and watching it grow! I love getting your hands in the dirt. I love it that we just recently read Genesis 1 again - and learned that each living thing produced seed "after its own kind" - and as Kullen and I planted, we talked about how neat it was to think that the very seeds we were planting descended from the first of those kind in Creation! All of life truly is an opportunity to worship!