Who is in Control?

I have been reading a book called "Boundaries" over the last 9 months or so. You can tell I've just been plowing through it. A co-worker loaned it to me and it's been sitting on my nightstand. Once in a while when I need a little encouragement, I pick it up. Last night was one of those nights.

When this book first came out it was pretty popular in Christian community, and therefore gave me an aversion to ever wanting to read it. This is part wisdom, and yes I confess at least in part, pride.

I do have very messy boundaries. I tend to throw myself into a relationship - whether it be friendship, parenting, or my relationship with my spouse in a sort of all or nothing kind of way. I have loved extravagantly, lavishly, overwhelmingly emptying myself of every reserve to find that I didn't save enough of my energy or care for my own survival.

What I am about to share is not going to be pretty, but it is about one of the most truthful things I have ever said about myself. Once I hit empty, I often lash out at the people that I've given so much to - given what they didn't ask for or what they may have asked but should have gotten a "no" answer. It's my own fault. I create the dynamic for a lot of the chaos and problems in my relationships.

The thing I learned last night is how much of what I do and say that is "reactionary". I sometimes don't fully digest what another person is saying before I react. I know where this comes from - I grew up feeling as if every thought and feeling I had were not valid. I didn't feel like anyone ever listened to me. When someone did take the time to listen, they always reacted with explosive anger because they couldn't control my emotions or me. The Boundaries book stated clearly that the person that reacts gives away control - but the person that responds maintains control, not over the other person or the situation, but with options and choices for yourself. This was profound.

I have put a lot of blame outside of myself in my relationships. I'm not saying that these other people are perfect, we all obviously do a lot of things that trigger the worst in one another. But the only thing I can really work on is me. I'm starting today to pay attention, to slow down my responses and try to respond instead of react.

Now, I owe someone an apology for last night, which is a start.

Mixed Bag

Late Wednesday night after two days of loading a truck and excruciating goodbyes followed by three and a half days of driving, the kids and I were finally home in our Blue Ridge Mountains. We have been loved up on by the friends we have seen thus far, though we still have quite a few to see. It has been a long journey, pretty much the hardest of my life. I have run the gamut of emotions - from hysterical laughter to frustrated tears. I feel so overwhelmed sometimes and can turn a corner and feel as if a huge weight has lifted off of my shoulders. It really is a mixed bag of emotions.
There are so many highlights from our trip. The kids and I were crammed for the better part of four days in the front cab of a diesel truck that had only 3 seatbelts. Nobody could recline to doze off, and nobody had any elbow room. All things considered, it went fairly well and no blood was shed. The diesel engine was horribly loud and there was a slight smell of exhaust and ashtray. It took them 3 1/2 hours to get the truck - valuable moving time - so by the time I finally got it, there was no time to complain about the cleanliness or lack thereof to the Budget rental company. By day two my head hurt so bad that if I had a gun....... Kendra had a terrible headache as well. Kullen spent most of his drive time singing.. "Almost heaven, West Virginia....." and occasionally inspired us to sing along. Kaitlyn has been emotionally overwhelmed, hoping that people understand that though we are happy to see them, and happy to be back "home", it is not a party for us - not just yet. It is indeed one of the most difficult times of our lives.
I think we will make it through one step at a time. Yesterday I found a way to articulate how I feel - that I am standing my ground with wobbly knees. I am so thankful to have the support of my family who made sacrifices to financially support me, my friends who are holding me up, both those in real life that hold me up by offering to give up their beds, fill their pantries with food, let us do laundry, and all manners of physical support and for those of you in the realm of cyber friendships who pray, send love, financial support that I know you didn't even have, and constant encouragement. I don't know how I would've made it through without you, all of you. Thank you for helping me see that I did not deserve the way I was being treated, and helping me gain the courage to seek something better for myself and my kids.

Picking Scabs

My friend is here visiting - she actually came here to escape. It is so difficult to watch the hurt she is going through at the disintegration of her marriage. The pain she is experiencing is palpable. I wish I knew what to do to help her.
One thing that has been difficult on my end is that I went through a similar situation from the perspective of a child. My dad left and while it crippled me emotionally in ways that I still experience today, I am living proof that you can rise above. I have to be there for my friend, even if it hurts, and even if it means picking off scabs.
This whole thing has hit her as unexpectedly as a flying train. Earlier today she told me that she didn't feel like a Christian. I can testify to Papa's love. You either are a Christian or you aren't. It isn't based on how we feel. We aren't 72% Christian today and 28% non-Christian. This is one of the biggest lies. In our infirmities, in our failures, in our shortcomings, and yes, even being mad as hell - we are still His, written on the palm of His hands and no less so when we struggle with the rawest emotions. It does not make us any less so to be human and feel such things.
Tonight has been particularly hard for her. Tomorrow is a new day - and if necessary, I will pick the scab off of another wound to share in her suffering.

I Storge You

There has been much more living than blogging lately, which means I have a surplus stored up of things to share. My friend Lizbeth has been here for a week now. We have had a great time together. It is a hard road that brings her here, but in between the really rough times are times of pee your pants laughter. I forget how much I miss the fun we have together. In some ways it is amazing - she makes me realize what a good life I have and can make here. It is strange - for the first time in two years I really feel like myself.
Tonight (actually last night, Sunday) we started a book discussion group at a coffee shop. It is something that Kendra and I have planned to do for a long time. We decided after this post and some pretty intense conversations about love to read The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis. I love reading C.S. Lewis - but I enjoyed it most profoundly reading Mere Christianity years ago with a little book discussion group called Can of Worms. I am pretty excited to get this going with the group we have, the majority of which are older teenagers. There were around 14 participants so I think we should end up with a nice sized group. The chapter on eros, the more romantic of the loves takes a pretty headlong dive into sexuality, but it is a pretty important aspect of the whole picture, so I don't intend to shy away from it.
Life has provided more living and less opportunities for blogging. Girls night out with the best sushi ever, lounging in the coffee shop with our Bible studies, etc. Life has been good. I have missed you my friends. I storge you my friends - but I am happy to resume my regularly scheduled life!

UnSHACKled

My earlier post recommending The Shack sparked an email from a friend. She told me that some of the things in the book that she read a few months ago troubled her. She also sent me this article. I know that she loves me and I am so glad that she cares. There is no love lost between us – because relationships always trump the need to be right, heard or understood.

I thought since I had publicly recommended the book, I should address some of the things that are being said about The Shack. This article by Wayne Jacobsen of The God Journey did an excellent job of addressing in brief some of the controversial reviews and claims of heresy pointed at The Shack.

One thing I noticed, as I perused the article that was sent by my friend, was that the author has a website called Kjos Ministries solely dedicated to discernment. If we have the Holy Spirit what more do we need to discern the truth from a lie? If we follow others, any others, even those that seem to be right or have the truth, are we not in just as much danger of being led astray because we don’t know the truth, the path we’re walking on, the Bible for ourselves? The other thing that was of great concern to me is the complete and total dedication of a website to refuting ministries, people, books, etc. I don’t see Jesus telling us what not do to as much as He showed us how to live, how to love, and to “follow Me”. The culture of legalism, the need for rules and clearly defined limits has bred religion and made sites like this and these email lists of what to support and what to boycott and ban very popular. I’ll think for myself, thanks.

My friend Tammy said something about this that really floored me….. “Religion comes in His name and deceives many.” Wow. That will ruminate in my brain for a while.

Anyway, all of that said, read at your own risk. If you think me a heretic, I hope that your relationship with Christ allows you to love me anyway.

Movie Review - Of Mice and Men

I love Netflix! I can log on and watch a movie anytime of the day or night. Whenever I am in the mood to watch a movie, I can browse the "view instantly" features, and viola! What a great perk to give to Netflix customers.
This past Friday night, Kullen and I were both tired, but not sleepy. We wanted to snuggle up in bed and watch a movie, but we didn't have any new DVDs here, so we decided to browse for a movie on Netflix and stumbled on a gem. We watched Of Mice and Men. The book, by John Steinbeck is one that I have always wanted to read. I can remember fond times holding it in the library thinking, one day I'd like to read this book before putting it back, or mentally cataloging it on my "to read later" list.
The version we watched was done in 1992, although originally it was made into a movie in 1939. It is the story of a retarded young man named Lenny, and his friend George. Everywhere they go, Lenny manages to get himself in trouble. They end up having to travel from place to place looking for work as farm hands, but they dream together of one day having a place of their own where Lenny will get to "tend the pigs". The movie never really tells us how George becomes Lenny's caretaker, but we see their friendship and deep commitment to one another. The movie has a shocking ending, that makes you gasp, and want to cry. Kullen hid under the covers sobbing for about 10 minutes, but he still says it was a good movie.
We enjoyed it - or maybe what we enjoyed most was watching it together.

The Best Part of Homeschooling

There are a lot of things I like about keeping my kids at home - but I would have to say that the absolute best part is relationships. I got out of the shower this morning and came down the hallway to find the above scene....three siblings all snuggled up in one bed, talking and laughing, and squealing because somebody allegedly put a cold foot on somebody else. The moments like this when I know we gave our kids the best opportunity to build family are the times when you know every pinched penny, late night, odd jobs, etc. were all worth it. They've always done this, as you'll note from the picture at the bottom of this post - but I never thought they'd still be doing it at 16, 14, and 10. I am so happy that they still love to snuggle with each other!

A Father's Touch

Recently I have been thinking about how special it is that my girls consider their dad a confidant, friend, and companion. They have inside jokes, conversations that are ongoing and may spring back up at anytime, and a language they alone understand. The friends that are here have that with their dads as well. One was praising her dad on the telephone because he had done something she thought was spectacular. They aren't necessarily "daddy's girls" in the traditional sense, but I see the quiet confidence that each of them has deep down inside because they know they are loved and valued.
Last night it had me thinking about my relationship with my own dad. My parents were divorced when I was nine and my dad immediately started a new family. I felt on the outside. I know that I never felt anchored, secure or truly, deeply loved just for who I am. It made a traumatic impact on the choices I made in life. I am not placing blame at my dad's feet. I know as an adult that generally he did the best that he could. I, however, am still constantly battling the wounds and scars from growing up feeling so utterly and desperately worthless.
This could have two effects on my life. The first being that I sit around drinking bitter gall of resentment - for the love I didn't feel, for the life I didn't have and for the consequences I have to endure from the actions of others. OR, I can experiencing the healing touch of a loving Father who does truly and deeply love me - so much that He gave His own Son for us. I can see that everything that happened was to draw me closer to Him. If I had skipped the pain and hurt, would I love Him as much for saving me from myself? I would surely have been a different person, and that fact fills me with gratitude for the redemptive work He's done in me, and for the love of a Heavenly Father that surpasses anything this world has to offer.
I am so thankful to know fathers that invest so much in the lives of their daughters. I know it is making a difference in their lives, their choices, and how they view the Heavenly Father. They are a picture to their children of His love in this world. But I am a testimony that even when that image is marred, the love of Christ can still be revealed.

Ugly, Nasty Truth - A Blogger's Creed

When I started blogging - I didn't know much about any sort of blogging etiquette. Having always been an open person, I share freely what I am thinking, feeling, struggling with, enjoying, etc. I probably always will. Putting things down in words is so helpful - and it is a survival technique that I have been using since my parents' divorce in 1979. Sometimes I write things down that are still in process. As my friend Joanne pointed out I was harsh in my comments about the worship at the church we have been attending. The conviction sat like a lump in my throat all the way through church this morning. It doesn't mean that the issues were resolved, however, it does mean that my attitude about them needed correction. I am thankful for a friend who will say so even if it may not be received well. I also realize, my friend James was right in saying that I was whining. I was. This is the body of Christ in action. This is friendship the way God intended. This is how we should sharpen one another. Even if it makes me mad, in the end as your sister in Christ I will know that you spoke truth because you love me. My blog will always state my feelings, valid or invalid, rational or irrational - and as my friends - I need you to be the check point. A million "poor baby" comments would have left me struggling in the black pit of depression. The truth, spoken in love set me free. Thank you for helping me out of the oppressive chains of bondage to discouragement, and reminding me I do have friends even if I can't sit and have coffee with you this afternoon - some of the best friends a person could have to boot! I love you both for it.

Counting Armadillos a/k/a "Be Quiet James!"

Gosh - have you ever noticed how some people are so good at calling a spade a spade! Don't you sometimes just hate and love them at the same time for it!? Well, our friend James, sort of like a father figure who isn't old enough to be your father kicked my butt with the comment on my last post. I know it was God who put our family here - it was He who has done the leading and us the following all along. Why can't I trust Him for the smaller things? Sell my house that I prayed 10 years to have, pep talk my children all the way across 1500 miles, and as a child of divorce who moved and changed schools more than I care to mention - I let go of the sense of security living in the same area and developing long term friendships had given me. I trusted God for each step of the way - but now I'm here, and I grow fainthearted at times. Yes, I was whining. I was having a very bad night. Travis is sick and hopped up on about all the cold medicine I can legally give him, and in a total fog. If you talk to him, you get a "Huh?" snort, sniffle cough cough cough. No excuses though - butt adequately kicked and a swift step back in line. The strangest thing is that deep in my heart is a dream of going on the mission field - and while it is possibly a fantasy, doing something like telling people about Jesus seems more important to make such a sacrifice for than the reasons I came to Texas, which was NOT to count armadillos. (BTW I've only seen one!) I promised Travis I wouldn't look back - I would make a life here with him. Please Lord help me, because I am not having any success on my own! (duh! same lesson for the 7,894,348,397,573,032, 577,378,173, 234,093th time!)

Contrived

My husband and I sat in Sunday school a few weeks ago - and there were some women sitting in the row in front of us. He kept leaning towards me and pointing at each woman in turn, whispering, "Have you tried talking to her?" It made me giggle - and I shushed him because I was afraid somebody would hear. Friendship is something that just happens, and not something that you can go looking for. It is bizarre to think that you "plan" to be friends with someone. I was blessed with a wonderful group of friends in West Virginia. I miss them terribly - but here is the thing - they all still have their lives. Things keep going. They are the lucky ones. Their absence screams out loud in my life daily.
We are sort of in the same situation with the church we've been going to. The pastor's sermons are great - thought provoking, convicting, and Bible based. What is lacking is in the people - they are friendly while you're there at church - but outside of that they tend to stay to themselves. But the absolute worst part for me is the worship time. When we first attended and met with the pastor we were told that they were supposed to be hiring a worship leader - and now there are plans and things far into the future being discussed with the same interim leader - who has a beautiful heart - but the worship time is really lacking. I mean really. Monotone singing, heads down with eyes in the hymnal - and no real sense of worship. I have heard more upbeat music played at funerals than what we have had the last two Sundays. I cannot imagine permanently being planted there in that situation. The thing is that I feel it necessary to stick with it because it seems the only venue for meeting people and establishing some roots.
It is all very contrived. It all feels fake. It all feels useless. I am not sure what will come of it all - I just know that suddenly - in the last two days it has hit me like a ton of bricks - the discouragement. I am going to be seeking the Lord on these things. I am thankful that His mercies are new every morning. It seems to lift and descend and lift and descend.

Self-Examination with the Great Physician

It is always interesting to me when God allows something to happen in your life, and it is so bizarre later to make the connections and see how something so seemingly insignificant was being placed at precisely the moment on the timeline of your life where it serves the largest purpose. Lately a lot of things have been lining up for me as our family enters a season of great change. It is not just preparing for a physical move, but moving on from things in our lives that have been harmful and destructive, as well as physically, spiritually and emotionally crippling. I have felt much this week like a stranger and an alien. Many things I used to enjoy all seem quite empty and shallow now, and I feel a bit lost - unanchored, and at the same time, liberated and unfettered. I know Christ has set me free from the captivity of my own emotions - and I cling to the one who made me and knows intimately how I feel. I am not lost in Him.

About a week ago, I had a rather intense discussion with a friend wherein lay a disagreement. This friend is someone who I love dearly - and always will, but during this season, we are on different sides of a figurative fence. My friend's assessment because of our conflicting perspectives, was that we were going different directions - and her summation was that I was becoming "worldly". These words were stinging and have attempted all week long to make me bitter and resentful. However, when I get stuck right there in those feelings, I fail to utilize the opportunity for self-examination, and for the Lord to tell me what He has to say about me. It is His opinion that matters, and none other. He is the one who I must give an accounting to of my life. I accept that others may not always see things the way I see them, agree with me, or even understand my perspective. The irony is shortly before I entered into this time of trial in my life, not only with this particular friendship but virtually all of my relationships outside of my own family, the Lord had led me to begin reading Job. I am not suggesting that I am being persecuted, or even suffering at the extreme that Job was - but that I can identify with the position of having to stand under the accusations of others - even ones who have claimed to be your friends.

Always when someone says something about you that cuts, wounds, injures or maimes, there is a responsibility for the believer to examine these places in themselves where others have poked, pointed, jabbed and jeered to see if any validity is to be found in what is being said about you. I have asked God to show me - to walk me through these things and sift what I think to be true out of what He is showing me that His truth about me would prevail. It is hard, but refinement always involves a testing by fire. Lord, help me to stand in Your strength as mine has failed me. I know He will. I know He will.

The Mall and Why I May Reconsider Hating It

This has been an absolutely crazy weekend. I didn't know whether I was coming or going much of the time. On Saturday, my friend Kathie and I took our girls to the mall to shop for skirts for a contra dance. (FYI - It's much like square dancing - very folky - with live music. It is a very neat community event - with many generations in attendance, and dancing with one another. Our teens just love it!) But here is a well-known fact about me - I HATE THE MALL. So, it was a labor of love, far above and beyond the call of duty.

Why do I hate the mall you ask? First of all, since I typically only enter the mall at Christmas time - there are usually WAY too many people there. Secondly is this phenomenon, my brother has dubbed "the bumbling clown syndrome" wherein said crowds of people walk around aimlessly - headed nowhere- in groups with nobody leading and more or less turn in circles and spread out in such a manner that no other person can get around them. Also, things are too expensive at the mall for our one-income, fixed budget family. And last but not least, the mall encourages my propensity for materialism - a fact established firmly by the fact that I can't stop thinking about how much I want to go back to Victoria's Secret (yes, even if it means going into the Mall again) to get a bottle of the perfume "Love Spell" (and Pumpkin hand lotion from Bath & Body Works!!) that I didn't even know about the day before!!!!!!

But despite my aversion to the mall, and all things related to the mall - I had a lovely time. I was with my girlfriend who I haven't spent time with outside a group for a long time, and my daughter. It was a day of laughter - much trying on of clothes, a day of learning - Kathie and Tayva taught us about lattes and iced coffees, and just a lot of fun having a "girls day". I guess with good friends, and my awesome teenage daughter, even a day at the mall can be fun!

(By the way - after trying on 842 different combinations - the girls ended up getting the EXACT same skirt!!!!)

Ask My Realtor - As My Friend

Okay, so now we actually have our house on the market! Yesterday we finally had a realtor come over and list our house for sale - and our realtor extraordinaire is none other than... dun dah dah duh . .. . . .
My friend TINA FRANCIS!!!
Scroll down on the right side to see pictures, etc. of my house that is for sale in WV!
This past winter, Tina and I took our Real Estate Practices and Principles class together. It was a really cool experience going together every Monday and Wednesday night - and eventually a few Fridays were thrown into the mix. However, by the time we finished the class (which I passed with a B!!!!), I knew I wouldn't be going to take my licensing exam, because we had decided to move to Texas. I was so proud of Tina for making that long trip with another lady from our class to Charleston - and passing the exam!!! And this week she went and signed up under Long and Foster with a team run by Sherrilynn Donaldson - and the two of them came out yesterday and listed my house. WOO HOO!

I know Tina will do very well in real estate - because she is a people person. So remember, you saw her first here featured on my humble little blog - but one day you're gonna see that face on billboards, on those little paper placemats you get at the diner, on the backs of benches, and all over realtor.com. But here is what I thinks makes her most special of all - Tina is helping me sell my house and she really doesn't want us to move. The day I told her we were going to move was filled with a lot of tears, between both of us. This moving thing is hard - but having her as our relator in a lot of ways is making it easier. She is coming over today to help me do whatever - organize closets, and some general straightening. I know Tina would do this kind of stuff to help just about anybody - but when she helps me get ready to move - even when she doesn't want me to go is an act of pure love and unselfish friendship. I am blessed to be able to call her my friend. The rest of you will just have to be content to call her to be your realtor!!

* * * *

This act of pure love and unselfish friendship has been poured into my life by many:

My friend Carol has been my "big sister" for going on ten years now. We became friends when our daughters took preschool dance classes together. Now they're teenagers and all along we've been walking that road together. Knowing my family is all distant, she has taken the role of their "Auntie Carol" in the lives of my children, and I know she loves them the way only family can, and they her. She has taken care of all of us through the years in so many ways. It will be heart wrenching in a way I can't even think about to be physically separated from her!

My friend Helen has helped us financially while we take on such a monumental task, and believed that we could and should do what was best for our family despite her personal feelings. She has been my cheerleader and the voice of wisdom with "Why don'tcha just......" - and you always know the second half of that sentence is something good. She is very practical with her advice - and the ability to think logically has blessed this emotional thinker so much!

My friend Lizbeth also has been amazing. She came to my house one evening, when she needed to be at the laundromat doing laundry, and instead she spent the night laying laminate flooring in my bathroom (and taught me how to use a saw!!). You haven't seen love until you've seen someone pick your toilet up out of your bathroom with their bare hands! She also laid flooring throughout my house with Helen's help last September to help make our environment better for my asthmatic son. When we told her we were thinking about moving - she supported us 200% without flinching!

See what I mean????

A Circle of Friends

I have the best group of girlfriends in the entire world. I have many, many blessings in my life - I was born in a country where I can worship the Lord freely, I have a husband that is faithful and committed to me and our children, I am part of an awesome body of believers in a place where I have grown both personally and spiritually. One of the greatest treasures among these blessings is the friends the Lord has literally poured into my life. They are Christian women, some are mothers, some are homeschoolers, and they come in all shapes and sizes, personalities, and each one of them provides something unique to my life that none other can. (I am going to try and write about them individually in future posts - so keep looking for that!)

Last night, we had a "girls night out". It was pretty nice, after being somewhat cooped up and sick, although I didn't do the late movie - I did go and have dinner and I enjoyed it so much. There were ten of us together. Some there I have known for the entire ten years I have made my home here. One was ten years old when I first met her and has grown into a lovely 20 year old woman that I want to be more like when I "grow up". And there was one I have only met within this past year who is as dear as the rest. The company and conversation were wonderful.

The world I lived in before being a believer, I was surrounded mainly by women who spent their time and money at the mall, or having their hair and nails done. Now anybody who knows me will know how out of place I am in that kind of environment! I HATE the mall. I only go there on an "as needed" basis - meaning there is something there I cannot find anywhere else. Relationships were shallow, and very unsatisfying. But these Christian women have brought something to my life that I am not sure I can live without.

Here is that trust issue coming up again. Do I believe that God will provide something that now seems a necessity in my life? Can I trust that if He is taking me a starting over point, where I will have to make new friends that during that time, that I still have my "best" friend in Him? Will I allow Him to take me through a season of loneliness to teach me something new?

I have noticed recently, even in group settings, I have been feeling lonely. It may sound weird, but even while I am with people, I am starting to miss them. I have been thanking the Lord that He is providing these opportunities to experience the ocean wave of emotion, before the tsunami comes in and wipes my life bare of everything familiar. But I know that even then He will be my stronghold. Currently my favorite song is by a group called Kutless - which is often a little too much for me - but they put out a worship CD - and have a song called "Strong Tower". It plays in my head a lot, and I know the Lord allows that track to remind me that the One who has my life in His hands is able to carry me even through this.

Friends Forever

My friend and neighbor came by the other day and gave me a lovely pillow that she had made,and hand embroidered this quote "Those who live in the Lord never see each other for the last time." This was a simple gift, yet it was a precious treasure to me. I will look at it often over the course of this move to remind me of what is true, what is real, and what matters most. Loving Jesus has changed my life. Only in my relationship with Him have I found the ability to truly be a friend, and to receive friendship like I've never known in my life. There are no words to describe what a gift He has given me in the friends that I have.

The light blue, gingham pillow made, and the words lovingly stitched on it reminded me of the song that I used to sing to Kendra years ago, when she would miss her friend Elisabeth who moved away to Colorado. It always brought tears to her eyes, and yet was such a comfort. I'll put them here:

Packing up the dreams God's planted
In the fertile soil of you
I can't believe the hope He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through

But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

And with the faith and love God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you live in
Is that strength that now you show

We'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long -----
to live as friends


I pray I can keep these words close to my heart and remember them on days when it seems like it will be excruciatingly difficult to move away, and always keep in mind…..
"It ain't heaven till it's heaven."