11 August 2008


There has been a huge issue going on in our house lately and I am at a loss. I live with people who want to live here and reap all the benefits of doing so - a roof over their heads, air conditioning, internet access, clean towels for bathing, hot water, a soft place to lay their heads. It's no resort hotel, but it is very comfortable living. We pay the bills, maintain the environment, transport people to and fro, and bend over backwards to increase the enjoyment of their lives. Those same people are asked to do their part to share the load. As a work-at-home mom, I have a lot going on and feel often that I am pulled in many different directions. I have to have reinforcements, especially with extras in our home. I have asked for help. I have begged for help. I have tried punishing them - which really isn't my style of parenting. I want to live in a relationship of love and respect. I do my part, and I want to rest and know that they are doing theirs. What I get is some half-hearted, last-ditch, modicum effort so that they can say they tried to do what was asked of them - and then skate out the door on their merry way to whatever fun awaits them. It is running me personally into the ground, and I am going to crash and burn very soon. They won't be punished but I can assure you that they will not be going anywhere. This morning I took them to work and redid everything that they were supposed to do - or finished it. Travis says to ground them - take away the phone, computer, etc. but in essence what that does is punish all of us. I want to live free - I don't want to follow people around making sure they are doing things. It is so frustrating. I am furious. I am hurt. I feel taken advantage of in the worst way - my labor for their fun.
I don't expect any solutions, I just needed to vent.


  1. Preaching to the choir, I hear ya! No solutions, just understanding.

  2. Do a google search on Kevin Lehman and reality discipline. Basically, you do not ground or punish, but let life's reality be the teacher. For instance, in the example you gave, people did not do the work designated to them which is needed to keep home running smoothly. When it is time for work you calmly inform them that you will not be taking them, as they did do what they were supposed to. They suffer the consequences at work, whether it be docking of pay or whatever. It isn't punishing or controlling, just real life.
    And the reality for you, my friend, is that no matter how you want to live in love and respect, you are the parent, and it is your job to send them out in the world as the best possible them they can be. And that means sometimes they won't like you for the moment, day or week. Sometimes the right things hurt a little in the moment but the outcome is for the better.

  3. I completely disagree and they have jobs to go to, you don't miss work cause you didn't do a chore at home. What if my husband forgot to do something I asked, he can't miss work until he does it, sheesh that is just not logical.
    Maybe she can not take them to the movies or the mall but you don't miss your job that is irresponsible.
    That is just like when a child is warm and doean't want to bring a jacket, then night falls and they are cold. The parent says oh well you suffer the consequences of not bringing a coat. The right thing to do is for the parent to just bring a coat for just in case.

    I won't offer you any advice here, you know where to find my Jewls.

  4. I'm not going to say punish them. That never works. It only makes them feel ill/angry/belittled. The best that I can do when I start to feel taken advantage of is to realize that I never asked them if they wanted to be brought into this world. I am their Mom and my job is to take care of them and the house. Period. Often, I could use more help. But when I look back, I find that I do have help; in ways that I never imagined or have forgotten. And often when I least expect it or ask for it. Sometimes it is the little things. The other thing that I keep in mind is childhood and the freedom of it is short. Life will be full of responsibilities and chores that they will never escape. I'm choosing to let my kids enjoy as much as possible now.

    It's not a solution or advice, just how I view it.

    I do feel for you greatly. I know you have mentioned this before and it is a dilemma that keeps coming up.

  5. I'm sorry, Julie. Sometimes love sucks... the life out of you!


Awaiting your words......
♥ Juls ♥