I Don't Know How to Say Goodbye to You

I made this video from random snippets of our trip to WV almost a year ago now at Thanksgiving time. It may not be of much interest to anyone who wasn't a part of these memories - but it means everything to us. I miss our friends so badly - and it is hard to imagine not going to see them this Thanksgiving! I hope this will be a little piece of love to help them remember us - for now! We'll see them soon.

Tightening the Belt

There are two ways that the title of this post applies to my life right now. The first and never-ending thing is that I have GOT to do something about my weight. I can't even stand to look at myself. There are various avenues of attack - all of which I have tried before and failed. The crux of the issue is that it is a spiritual problem - and yet I struggle with praying and drawing closer to God with the manipulative goal of losing weight. I know that others do not feel this way - but for me - this is how it feels. I wish I could get my head on straight about it - because it is what continues to pave the road of failure.

Secondly, I am making some changes to tighten my belt in the area of grocery expenses. (I know this will thrill Leslie to no end!) I continually go to the grocery store and overspend what I have budgeted. Part of the reason is the consistently rising food prices. One way I am attempting to tackle this is to go to the store without my debit card, and only take the amount of cash that I intend to spend. This doesn't allow for me to make concessions, or impulse buy. I am also going to attempt to use less meat in our meals. This is always difficult for my husband - who is a total carnivore, but it is one way to stretch things out so that we can get the most for our money. It is so hard to eat healthy and plenty of fresh food - and so much easier to buy cheap processed, junk food that passes as meals but leaves us malnourished. I am determined to find ways to stretch our money to feed our family without compromising on a healthy diet.

How are you tightening your belt?

My Jesus Would Never be Accepted in my Church

There is this song by Todd Agnew called My Jesus. In fact I posted the video here not long ago. (If you click on it, you'll have to scroll down.) It is one of those songs that just sticks with you. I can hear this song as if it were streaming through my head, day and night. Lately it has gotten stronger, louder, clearer - compelling me to think about what it means to live like Jesus. There is just one place where I get stuck - two little lines that irk me -

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet

The question rings in my thoughts - why - why would you go to a church where Jesus, if he walked in the back door, would not be welcome? What is a church that values the carpet or the environment or programs or cleanliness or policies more than Christ? It is nothing but a country club with a religious focus. I don't need a "club" to belong to, I'd rather belong to the body of Christ. I don't need a denomination, I'd rather be a lover and follower of Jesus. My Jesus.

Being Tired is a Good Thing

Yesterday we had Kendra's friend-that-is-a-boy's mom and step-dad over for dinner. I got up and did some much overdo housework, and then ran to the grocery store. I made two huge pans of lasagna, homemade garlic bread and a huge salad full of all kinds of stuff! Dinner was nice, but it was very late as they had commitments until 7:30.
Today I had a bunch of work to catch up with after a busy week. I finally reached the end of my inbox and then I had to run and make a deposit at the bank. I am also working on a yearbook project for our local co-op and had a bunch to do on that.
This evening the teenagers gathered together at our house again. We all live so spread out that most of the moms stay. I like that. We have a good time together too! I enjoy it so much. I realized tonight that most of us in our little group of friends are new to the area. I like to think that God designed it that way. We need each other.
When he got off of work, Michael came over and he sat with Kendra for a long time on the porch swing. I just listened to the creak as it went back and forth, and their quiet conversation through the window. I could hear the kittens romping around as they played at their feet. I am wearily tired from the busy-ness of the week - but it is a good kind of tired. The exhaustion is a reminder that I have a full life, for which I am exceedingly thankful.

Beautiful Fall Day

Yesterday we went on an amazing field trip to Washington on the Brazos. If my understanding is correct, as there is SO very much to learn of Texas history - it is the site near the Brazos river where the Texas Declaration of Independence was signed, and Texas seceded from Mexico and joined the United States.
Texas history is very interesting. Most of it involves weapons and battles. I have so much to learn. My friend told me the other day that the area we live in was a neutral ground that nobody wanted because it was so overgrown. You have to see the dense ground covering in the Big Thicket to understand this statement.
The weather was lovely. We started the day by seeing Barrington Living History Farm that showed the home of an affluent doctor, Anson Jones and his family in the early 1800s. It had something called a "dog run" - which is a style of house that had an hallway running right through the center. It is considered early-Texas air conditioning. You can see it here from the back - the steps walk up to a hallway that goes all the way through to the porch that is on the front of the house. The dining room and bedrooms open to this "dog run". I have seen a lot of older houses here with this style and wondered why the house seemed to be divided in half. I wish I had taken a picture with a better angle on this house. It is said that this is where the family did most of their living.
The kids got to pick cotton, saw an ox demonstration, made some toys from that time period, and got to do all sorts of things. We had a picnic lunch at an absolutely beautiful park near the river with a nice playground. The weather was perfect. We had such a good time. It was a fun day getting to know our new friends and our new state better.


On a sad note today - I went outside this morning to take something to the trash, and saw that our cat, one of the kittens from our cat's first litter was laying in our yard - dead. We have all been pretty sad about it all day. Even Travis - he had really taken a liking to this big, fat tomcat baby.

Why I Haven't Blogged

There are lots of reasons I haven't blogged - laundry, dinner, dishes, schlepping daughter up and down the road, etc. But one fun reason was this video that I took the night before last and my daughter Kaitlyn and I put together for her sister of Kendra and her b-friend (still can't say it!) Michael. We had so much fun. If you are really sensitive - there are some parts you may think rude - so you may want to opt out of viewing - it was all done in fun! Michael comes with a PG-13 rating, and thinks himself a young Will Ferrell. And major kudos to Kaitlyn who taught me all about how to edit a video! Awesome blossom!

Life is Taking Over

Yep - a real life has formed and this stands alone as my only explanation of the lack of new blog entries. I still love blogging and if I didn't have this outlet in which to write and share with other people - I would wither up and die -and yet in and of itself this blog cannot be my life.
We are involved with two co-ops right now - a larger one in the city that meets weekly and a smaller one that is more local and meets twice a month. I am co-teaching a literature class for 6th and 7th grades at the larger one, working on a weekly newsletter and helping in the library. Yesterday I was asked to help teach the creative writing class for the older kids at the smaller co-op and I have to admit I am WAY excited about that. I mean excited in the I couldn't go to sleep for all the ideas I had kind of way. We are also working with those kids at assembling a newsletter and eventually establishing a yearbook staff. It ought to be great fun.
I think I am having some hormonal issues and am looking for an OB/GYN in the area. Fun. I am getting close enough to 40 that I have anxiety about being sent for a mammogram. Being rather well-endowed in this area, I am picturing something the size of an MRI machine and great amounts of suction. Okay, so I have a vivid imagination, but there is always the fear of the unknown.
Today I am taking Kullen to the doctor. He had gotten in my bed last night and somewhere around 4 am he was breathing so violently that his whole body was pulsing as he tried to suck in air. He wasn't making any noise, but convulsively shaking my bed. Scary. I got the nebulizer hooked up and in a short while he was doing much better and this morning seems fine. I am still taking him to the doctor.
My husband told me last night that the sales person had been let go of the company he has been working with - and evidently took all the clients with him. It would be too bad if he had to go back to the union hall and start over with another company and it would mean a drastic change in his income since he still doesn't have his TX license.
Tomorrow is the annual family reunion - so we are making the trek an hour north to meet up with the kinfolk. It is a great family - but sadly mostly the older family members. Those in our age group and the ages of our kids don't seem to think it is very important.
So many things going on - just thought I might catch you up in case you missed me!

Sunday School Shocker

I was reading Stephanie's blog about a cute thing her 5 year old son, Jared asked, about if there was a guy named God. It made me remember my friend Joanne's son Ricky around that same age, when coming to grips with some spiritual matters, asked this question: How many miles is it from Massachusetts to hell? And what if you were in a hurry? It is a shame that we don't remember all of the cute things that they say - but some like this do stick with you. I was thinking of my own three children, who each at this same age were coming to understand some pretty big spiritual matters. All three of them had a moment, always around Easter where they were tearful, and said things like, "I don't want Jesus to die on the cross." Their little hearts were so precious - but this was something they could not understand, that this terrible thing was the best thing ever.
Recently, as I have begun to question traditional Christianity and how we "do things", I have wondered at this. We teach our children to love Jesus. We tell them that He loves them. We sing happy happy songs about God and Jesus and other Bible characters, complete with rainbows and sunshine, furry animals and flowers. Then we hit them with the gruesome facts of the crucifixion. I mean we have to tell them that this is why we can be happy - but I wonder if they comprehend, or think it all a giant paradox. I think we often make the Bible a happy and beautiful storybook - everything clean and orderly - but the real stories in the Bible are nothing like that. And the same stories that are happening all around us every day - the neighbor who shoots his dog, teen pregnancy, the marriage on the rocks, the prodigal, the man spewing obscenities - these are stories of people waiting for redemption all around us. If we think they don't fit with our image of the Bible, then often we reject them - but sometimes I think they fit better than we do.
Just some thoughts. They don't tie up in a nice neat package - I hope you can handle that!

Not One Little Bit

Kendra started her first job today. I dropped her off and then headed out of town for a "mom's meeting" at co-op. I had it all planned out. I was going to pick her up and get ice cream on the way home - just the two of us so she could tell me all about her night. Then Michael's mom had his car and he would be needing a ride -and I totally did not mind that - he is so much fun. Then, the meeting went on overtime - which is totally fine because people had some serious prayer requests, etc. but at some point I had to get up to leave because there was no way I was going to be late for the pick-up after the BIG first day. I slunk out about the time someone was giving the most serious prayer request - and felt like a jerk. But motherly love compelled me to do this terribly insensitive thing. I got in the car and turned the ringer back on to my cell phone, and I saw that I had missed a call from her - so I called back. No answer. A few minutes later she calls me. She says the words I never wanted to hear - "We got off a little early and dad is here to pick us up!" NOOOOOOOOOOOOO all my hopes dashed. All the excited first utterances about the new job were going to be his. Any witty anecdotes wasted on a man who, although he loves her - will not treasure every microscopic detail. Ice cream plans vanished. She assured me that we can do whatever I had planned tomorrow. That's it folks - day 2, 2nd place, the backseat as an observer to her life. I don't like it - I don't like it not one little bit.

Eighties Greaties

I was listening to an "oldies" station this morning that was playing eighties music when a strange feeling came over me. I wanted to chew Hubba Bubba, put on a pair of skin tight two-toned jeans, get my hair cut in a mullet, slick my lips with strawberry lip gloss and go roller skating. Somewhere inside me is the youth resistant to getting old. 80s music releases her from deep down inside!