I would love to say that I am "super-Christian" and that I have totally handed my medical issues, procedures, etc. over to the Lord in some super-spiritual wording to help you understand how I have transcended my flesh and entered into a pseudo-euphoric state of worrylessness. What I am going to tell you is the truth - I have been scared to death. I caught myself a couple of days ago spastically sucking in air the way you do reflexively when you're a child and you cry so hard that you don't get enough air to prevent yourself from passing out.
I did realize that one of my biggest fears was being put under. I have never been put under myself, but I did accompany Kendra to one of her several surgeries when she was small. She was about 4 years old, and just after they put the bubble gum scented mask over her face, she said, "Mommy, I can't breathe!" and then she konked out. So all of this time, I thought that being put under like that made you feel like you were suffocating. Kendra reassured me today that she only said that because she did not know how else to describe what she was feeling. At any rate, I found out today that they are planning on using an IV to sedate me first and that I will be out before the mask hits my face. That was a tremendous relief.
I had the best treatment today - and I was so thankful. Every single person that I encountered when I went for pre-surgical testing - from the registrar to the lady that had to stick me 3 times to take my blood - were all so kind, and efficient and personable. This was a very different experience from the testing I had done at a different hospital where the ultrasound tech didn't speak to me at all. I'm a chatty person and quiet makes me nervous. I am not going to apologize for it anymore - it is how I am.
Having had such a good experience today made me feel a lot better about next Tuesday. I am so grateful.