I don't know why - but all of my life sleep has eluded me. I love to sleep. When I lay down, it is usually only a matter of minutes before I'm out like a light. Typically this is because I don't go to bed one second before I'm utterly exhausted - which just so happens to be most of the time. With my new work schedule - 1/2 am is becoming pretty common which means I need to sleep until about 8 or 9. But, here it is 6 am and I am wide awake - well maybe not wide - but I am awake which is the opposite of sleeping which is what I want to be.
The hardest part is that I am often awake for reasons that could be prevented. I can't seem to make members of my family understand that I need peace and quiet to sleep. Conversations, doors shut too loudly, lights left on that stream into my room, etc. are all interruptions of my sleep and typically once I'm awake - I cannot go back to sleep. I am also not a napper, so I wake up without having had enough sleep and do not recover over the course of a day. If this happens several days in a row I manifest signs of insanity.
Growing up with a mom who was mentally ill, and one of her biggest problems was insomnia, I saw the effects of severe sleep deprivation. She would stay awake and not sleep for days on end, and then crash and sleep for days. The hard part for me was that if she didn't sleep, she did not allow me to rest either. She would call me for me from her room all hours of the night to get her cigarettes, "refresh" her tea, or wipe out her ashtray. Even if she went out, she would call and ask me to do things. It was such a huge issue that said "I'm more important than you" everytime she decided that her need for whatever it was superseded my need for sleep. A lot of that comes back now when members of my family disrespect my need for rest - and I stick up for myself in a way I couldn't back then. Proper rest is so necessary to a clear mind - and I'm not getting it lately. I am in one big fog.