Contemplating the Blog

Today I moved some posts to "draft" status. They are posts that I want to save for myself, but may have inadvertently invaded the privacy of others or seemed presumptuous in ways I never intended. This is the conundrum of "the blog". Actually it scared me a bit to think that I was being read wrong. This is the place where the rubber meets the road in the reality of our cyber lives. I blog because I enjoy writing. I blog because I want to maintain the day to day contact with my friends who live so far away. I blog because it is an outlet, cheaper than therapy, and a way to keep a record of our lives. The danger is that this has become a bit of a public spectacle, read by people who don't really know me leaving room to interpret or misinterpret what is said and get an often skewed impression of the kind of person that I am. I never intended for it to be that way. I certainly never wanted to step on any toes, push anyone beyond their comfort zone, or infringe on anyone's rights to privacy. I am not sure where this will lead. For now, I will tread cautiously, wanting better between myself and others than a one sided relationship. There is a lot more to me than what meets the blog.

A Working Mom

This has come up a couple of times recently and I thought I would take a minute to address it here - there is no such thing as a mom that doesn't work. Period. Even if you don't get a paycheck. If you homeschool or not, taking care of a home and a family is a job within itself.
Moms that work out of the home - getting their kids up in the morning and off to school before heading out to work for the day and dealing with the public or co-workers, office politics and all that entails all day long, only to come home and make dinner, help with homework, not to mention any extra-curriculuar activities, and get everybody ready to start the day over again tomorrow - are my heroes! (Alisha!) I don't know how they do it. I can remember when I started homeschooling one of the common responses from women I knew was "I don't know how you do that?" and I said that I didn't know how they did what they did. Obviously my Wonder Woman cape came with holes.
However, there is a bit of a sting such as yesterday when my insurance agent said to me about why she couldn't reach me, "Oh I thought maybe you got a job." and a family member suggested not long ago knowing our financial struggles that I might need to consider getting a job. First of all - I have a job that I work from home usually between 25-30 hours a week. Secondly, although it is part time, I come out better income wise in the long run that I would make working outside my home, putting gas in a vehicle and having a wardrobe that consists of more than my t-shirt and jeans fare, etc. Not to mention - I can work for a few hours and then take on a project at home or do something with my kids, arranging my work hours around life with my family. And third, my husband and I decide those things for us because only we can evaluate our priorities.
I think it is a matter of respect. This is where I am, nurturing what is important to my family - and I will extend this respect and expect the same from others.

Take It Easy

I had the misfortune today of finding something humorous that a child did -
The mother of the child who did it did not agree, and she let me know in no uncertain terms that her child struggled with "pride"........
Poor guy.
It was just a joke.
He was only teasing.
It was actually quite witty. It was clever.
It wasn't disrespectful or hurtful or disobedient in any way.
He was punished.

I have been scratching my head. I have never understood this kind of parent. This mother spoke of her son in his presence with her teeth gritted while I giggled at what he had done.
I wondered if her son's behavior had embarrassed her. Perhaps he is not the one struggling with pride after all.

Respect and Freedom

One of the things that I have been learning a lot about in this past year is respectful, mindful parenting. Growing up in "children should be seen and not heard", parental authoritarian environments, this has been a difficult stretch. On one hand I know that God expects parents to guide their children - but I am learning how this is done more by example, and less by talk. As a child both of my parents said, "Don't ever smoke" as they blew a nicotine cloud out the side of their mouths. I know that they said this because they knew it was a horrible, nasty, addictive habit, but their example of smoking for years spoke louder than their words, and when I was old enough, I began to smoke. Thankfully, the Lord helped me quit after many years of smoking.

Recently I have heard parents say things about their children, or recount things said to their children that have given me pause - and while others around seem to be nodding their heads, I struggle to understand. I am not taking issue with these parents - because their thinking is the general consensus in the Christian homeschooling community of which I am so much a part, and I have thought or said similar things. I am wondering if we can all learn to do it a better way. The respect that we want our kids to learn is a mutual thing. If we don't show them respect, respect for their feelings, their thoughts, each phase of their growth both physically and spiritually, how can we expect from them what we have not modeled. I know these parents did not intend to demean their children, and yet I wonder how they would feel if the same things were said to or about them.

Parents get pretty hung up on their children's behavior being a reflection on them, and I wonder if that completely negates those children's individuality, their sin nature, their own hopes and dreams and desires, the growth the Lord is doing in them, and the story of their lives that God is writing on their hearts and has had laid the foundation for from before there was time. I was absorbed into the life of a mentally ill mother. She told me how to dress, think, wear my hair, talk, walk, and I still struggle with these things today. Any little hint of difference between us caused a major rift. I ran away at 16 with only the clothes on my back, and when my aunt took me shopping - I stood in the middle of the department store and cried, because I did not even know what kind of clothes I liked. I determined in my heart that I would let my children be individuals. Perhaps it is a sensitive issue for me personally because of my history - but I wonder if all parents couldn't stand to practice a little more putting myself in their shoes.