The kids and I went to the cheap theater last night before grocery shopping and saw "Fred Claus". I have to say, I don't get "starstruck" like some of my friends have - I missed the Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt frenzies - but funny guys really do it for me, in fact it is one of the attributes that was most attractive in my very handsome hubby! This movie was mediocre - but I have seen Vince Vaughn in other movies - and he just cracks me up!
One of the themes of the movie was that in the 1800s children only got one present and they were happy - but now with the average child's letter to "Santa" asking for 15-20 presents. In the movie, Santa is having trouble keeping up with the production. Wow - 15 to 20 presents per child, really?
A few years ago my husband and I decided that we wanted the focus of Christmas to be more about Christ and less about gifts - while not wanting to diminish the fun of gift giving and receiving - because after all Christ set the example when He laid down His life as a gift of salvation. While discussing this with a friend, she said that she and her husband had decided to give their children only three gifts - and believe me this friend and her husband could afford to give their children whatever their hearts desired - but her reasoning was that Jesus got 3 gifts on his birthday (think three wise men) and why should our children get more than that?? It made perfect sense to me - and we have followed this line of thinking ever since. It makes Christmas more enjoyable for everyone, and doesn't set the focus off center.
How do you handle the gift giving in your home?
Showing posts with label gifts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gifts. Show all posts
15 November 2007
14 May 2007
Lowered Expectations and Joy
I was reading this post at Halfmoon Girl's blog - and after years of feeling much the same way she is right now, and knowing how many other women may be caught in this same trap, I just had to respond.
Let me explain this - my first child was born on April 5th - my first Mother's Day was about 6 weeks later. I waited all day long in eager expectation and nothing happened. The next morning I burst into tears and told my husband that he forgot Mother's Day - to which he replied "You're not my mother!" It took a while to help him understand why this was flawed thinking.
Anyway, long story short - it has taken almost 20 years to realize that my husband is not a good gift-giver. I honestly don't want another cake candle (something he realized I liked and then bought for every occasion for a few years until I said "uncle"). He has been miserable around every holiday because there is this expectation to meet that he will fail at. I got to thinking about it last year and wondered where this "expectation" came from. The man tells me in other ways that he appreciates me. Honestly how special is it when these things are done out of obligation on the same day that every other husband does? My hubby tells me what a good mom I am at other times - I don't need anyone else dictating a special day for him to do so. And while he isn't good at gift giving, he is my hero, provider and protector in many other ways. Why was I allowing these man-made, (and excuse the rambling ahead of time) commercialized holidays that are orchestrated to financially benefit the greeting card companies, florists, etc. dictate whether or not I feel loved.
Last year, I decided to liberate my husband - and myself from this vicious cycle of his impotency to please me and my chronic disappointment. This past Christmas I told him I knew what I wanted and if he didn't mind, I would get it for myself. The man was scratching his head thinking, "no shopping? there's gotta be a catch." I told him I would not throw it up in his face that I "got my own gift" (I knew I wanted windchimes - which by the way I didn't find until April!) nor would I be mopey or sad on Christmas. This was a win-win situation for both of us. And guess what? I had the best Christmas ever. I did the same with my birthday in February. I bought some birdfeeders that I wanted for my front porch. It was awesome. On Saturday we were talking on the phone and I was reminding the hubby-man to call his mother on Mother's Day - and he said, "Well I'm gonna call you too and wish you Happy Mother's Day." I said, "Aw, man you ruined the surprise!" We both had a laugh.
Now let me tell you, I grew up the daughter of the president of the He-woman Man-Hater's Club. I remember holidays where my mother was threatening her husband weeks before that she had better have thus-and-such ring, or the so-and-so item that she wanted - OR ELSE! It was so ugly that I determined never to be that kind of wife. My mother would be certain that my husband, who didn't succumb to such torture, didn't love me. I choose to submit these thoughts to Christ - and remember that my goal here is to think of others more highly than myself. Instead of expecting a "gift" or special treatment, I give it to my husband now - and I can tell you - it is a delight to my heart.
What is a gift bought in obligation? Now if he buys me a gift, it is because he wants to, and it comes straight from his heart. It is not purchased or pursued out of some twisted obligation that he must fill to keep me from being mad at him. (His interpretation of my disappointment.)
I hope I have helped someone else suffering from "holiday torture". Free your husband and yourself. Choose to see expressions of love all around you that don't come in ribboned boxes. Reject the commercialistic ploys that Satan would use to erode your relationship with your spouse.
PS - If you happen to frequent blogs where the author may be prone to gushing about what HER hubby got her for Mother's Day - just skip it today!
Let me explain this - my first child was born on April 5th - my first Mother's Day was about 6 weeks later. I waited all day long in eager expectation and nothing happened. The next morning I burst into tears and told my husband that he forgot Mother's Day - to which he replied "You're not my mother!" It took a while to help him understand why this was flawed thinking.
Anyway, long story short - it has taken almost 20 years to realize that my husband is not a good gift-giver. I honestly don't want another cake candle (something he realized I liked and then bought for every occasion for a few years until I said "uncle"). He has been miserable around every holiday because there is this expectation to meet that he will fail at. I got to thinking about it last year and wondered where this "expectation" came from. The man tells me in other ways that he appreciates me. Honestly how special is it when these things are done out of obligation on the same day that every other husband does? My hubby tells me what a good mom I am at other times - I don't need anyone else dictating a special day for him to do so. And while he isn't good at gift giving, he is my hero, provider and protector in many other ways. Why was I allowing these man-made, (and excuse the rambling ahead of time) commercialized holidays that are orchestrated to financially benefit the greeting card companies, florists, etc. dictate whether or not I feel loved.
Last year, I decided to liberate my husband - and myself from this vicious cycle of his impotency to please me and my chronic disappointment. This past Christmas I told him I knew what I wanted and if he didn't mind, I would get it for myself. The man was scratching his head thinking, "no shopping? there's gotta be a catch." I told him I would not throw it up in his face that I "got my own gift" (I knew I wanted windchimes - which by the way I didn't find until April!) nor would I be mopey or sad on Christmas. This was a win-win situation for both of us. And guess what? I had the best Christmas ever. I did the same with my birthday in February. I bought some birdfeeders that I wanted for my front porch. It was awesome. On Saturday we were talking on the phone and I was reminding the hubby-man to call his mother on Mother's Day - and he said, "Well I'm gonna call you too and wish you Happy Mother's Day." I said, "Aw, man you ruined the surprise!" We both had a laugh.
Now let me tell you, I grew up the daughter of the president of the He-woman Man-Hater's Club. I remember holidays where my mother was threatening her husband weeks before that she had better have thus-and-such ring, or the so-and-so item that she wanted - OR ELSE! It was so ugly that I determined never to be that kind of wife. My mother would be certain that my husband, who didn't succumb to such torture, didn't love me. I choose to submit these thoughts to Christ - and remember that my goal here is to think of others more highly than myself. Instead of expecting a "gift" or special treatment, I give it to my husband now - and I can tell you - it is a delight to my heart.
What is a gift bought in obligation? Now if he buys me a gift, it is because he wants to, and it comes straight from his heart. It is not purchased or pursued out of some twisted obligation that he must fill to keep me from being mad at him. (His interpretation of my disappointment.)
I hope I have helped someone else suffering from "holiday torture". Free your husband and yourself. Choose to see expressions of love all around you that don't come in ribboned boxes. Reject the commercialistic ploys that Satan would use to erode your relationship with your spouse.
PS - If you happen to frequent blogs where the author may be prone to gushing about what HER hubby got her for Mother's Day - just skip it today!
12 March 2007
Fun Stuff
I am not a prize winner of any sort. I am not very competitive when it comes to competing for prizes. In fact when the Ultimate Blog Party announced that they were having "door prizes" for party-goers, I paid little or no notice at all. I never perused the prize list or entered my "choice" for a prize, should my name be drawn. But Saturday morning in my junk email folder I found an email from one of the hard-workin' mamas at WorkingMomsAgainstGuilt, saying that I had won their prize of a $20 iTunes Gift Certificate! Isn't that just the coolest? Since I do not have an iPod - and being a mom find putting headphones (or a cell phone, or a phone of any kind) to my head is an invitation for someone in my house to try to speak to me - and therefore an exercise in frustration - I happily passed along the certificate to my resident iPod JUNKIE, Kaitlyn. The neat thing was that I have asked her to be patient and hold off on buying any new songs for a while - to which she gladly complied - and then is rewarded with this! YAY! I love when stuff like that happens. Thanks so much ladies!
Also, for my birthday, my non-blogger, ITF (in-the-flesh) friend, Carol, sent me an online gift certificate for my birthday from Gift Certificates.com that you could use in about a billion places to shop online. What a great way to give a gift across the miles! As a book junkie, I honed in on Barnes & Noble, and got myself a book that I had really, really, really been wanting! How cool is that? Thank you Carol. Even though you don't blog - you are still the online shopping and eBay queen!
Who said life online ain't fun??!?
Also, for my birthday, my non-blogger, ITF (in-the-flesh) friend, Carol, sent me an online gift certificate for my birthday from Gift Certificates.com that you could use in about a billion places to shop online. What a great way to give a gift across the miles! As a book junkie, I honed in on Barnes & Noble, and got myself a book that I had really, really, really been wanting! How cool is that? Thank you Carol. Even though you don't blog - you are still the online shopping and eBay queen!
Who said life online ain't fun??!?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)