Funny Boy

My boss posted a funny story about something her son said on her blog. It made me think of my son Kullen who gives me and endless supply of hilariousness. Like the time when he was 7 or 8 and we were talking to a homeschool skeptic, who asked him when his birthday was. He said he didn't know. I said, "Kullen?" thinking how could he NOT know his own birth date. He shrugged his shoulders and said with wide eyes, "Well how should I know, YOU never told me?!??"
Just a couple of days ago I was picking him up from hanging out at a friend's house around 11 o'clock, and he said, enthusiastically, "Mom did you hear what I did today?" Well, I hadn't - I had gone in one direction, and my friend was supposed to pick him up from the house of another friend. (We are really making the rounds here in WV.) He proceeded to tell me how he was dared and jumped into the swimming pool at my friend Kate's house! I was flabbergasted. Fortunately Kate has a sense of humor, and endless energy for boys like Kullen. Thank GOD!
So anyway, this funny boy is all mine. He can roll his tongue, whistle, stand on his head, count to like a trillion, but he does not know his birthday and has impulse control issues. It doesn't matter, he makes me laugh until my sides hurt, he tells me I'm beautiful every day, and I love him anyway.

Quotable Husband-isms

Let me set the scene – my husband is home from work with a stomach bug, that he shared with me. Here is the conversation that followed:

Me – I don't feel like doing anything, but I can't sit here all day. I've got so much to do.

Travis – You don't have to do anything.

Me – Well, look at me. I look terrible.

Travis – Well what do I look like, a prom queen?!

I laughed so hard I couldn't answer, but if I had been able to answer – it would have been a definitive NO! Not a prom queen. I'll save you from an actual description, and leave it to your imagination. We've all seen the sick hubby look – not a pretty sight. Good thing I married him for his money! Haa ha haaahaah!

Nail Breaking - Part II

I wanted to clarify for my gentle readers that in case anybody wonders, I am not a girly girl - and most of the time you can find my nails in various stages of growth, usually quite uneven. What I was complaining about that night when I wrecked my car was the violence, and depth with which my nail was ripped off the top of my pinkie finger. It tore it down in the quick where it smarts. But I wanted to share with you that specific part of the experience, as it has me laughing now days afterwards. The Sheriff's officer that stopped to help out was checking us over with a flashlight - the blood matted in my hair over my ear, whether my pupils were dialated - and I was in shock so I didn't feel anything at that point - not my nose, my arm, NADA. But the first thing I remember feeling pain from was that darn ripped fingernail. I said to the officer, "I broke my fingernail." He turned to his partner, without missing a beat and said, "Bob, I think we're going to have to call for transport." Yeah, funny cop on the side of the road - the guy should be a comedian!!!!

Job Description

I recently put together a resume - and I cracked myself up when I attempted to describe my job as a homeschool mom. Notice none of the descriptions are "teacher-y". I was wondering if you could add some other funnies to this list???

Forsythe Family School 1991-present

Harpers Ferry, WV 25425

(304) 725-4045

Supervisor – Travis G. Forsythe

Duties have included all of the following (and much more) – chief cook and

bottle washer, nose wiper, cookie maker, hug giver, back massager, chore-

meister, laundress, housekeeper, hiney-swatter, improvisational comic, teen-

counselor, crisis hotline, Barbie clothes dresser, Hot Wheels wheel-fixer, finder

of all lost things, grocery shopper, bug killer, reacher of all things on a high shelf,

chauffeur, kisser of boo-boos, household manager, financial consultant, one-

“blue collar” income juggler, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.

Never a Dull Moment

I think that sometimes I must be partially insane - when I look at some of the things that happen to me, and then I contrast it with the lives of those around me, who all seem to be having perfectly normal, lovely, uneventful lives - not to say they're BORING - but that things run a natural course, repeatedly without interruption - and my life - well this is a fast moving train, and I never seem to know where it's going. (I am having insomnia tonight - it is 12:39 and I normally can't hold my eyelids open much past 11 - so this may be a weird post I delete in the morning - hopefully before anyone reads it!)

JenIG's post entitled "Weird People are More Creative" got me to thinking the other day - about how many times I have experienced absolutely unusual things - and when I tell the story to others, they just can't believe that really happened. For instance, a friend and I with our five children got lost last March (2004) on the Appalachain trail only miles from our home - but with children who were overly tired that we couldn't carry anymore, we simply could not find our exit. I used the very last of my cell phone battery to talk to my husband who sought help for us, while we cuddled up the seven of us underneath emergency blankets by a felled (is that a word?) tree singing any song that came to our head. AND the rescue party sent out to find us never did - we were found by my friend Christin's husband Dan - whom to this day is my "big hero". He took us back to their cozy log home and gave us hot drinks and a short reprieve before going home. That Sunday at church we were presented with certificates from our Pastor in recognition for our great service in increasing the Intercessory Prayer lives of the members of our congregation (or something like that) - and for worship they thought it would be funny to sing "Did You Feel the Mountains Tremble?" Here's how clueless I am - I am ON the worship team and didn't get that they chose that song to pick on us! DO OTHER PEOPLE HAVE CRAZY LIVES LIKE THIS??? I don't think so.

Okay so all of this to segue into the story about last night. I had taken my kids and a couple of tag-alongs (as usual) to Christian Skate Night in a neighboring county last night. Like I said, I am not usually up that late - preferring in my older age to be a morning person - whereas in my twenties I used to be a night-owl and a morning person. (I know I'm rambling but bear with me, there is a story here - I think I used the wrong "bear" homonym didn't I?) Okay, so anyway, since we have only one car and were out of bread and milk, I had to stop off at the store on my way home at 10-ish (it isn't easy to get four teenagers moving in the same direction - even though skating ended at 9:30) - and then I had to drop my daughter's friend, Tayva off at her house which is quite a ways away from my own - so we're at around 11ish now - after the store and the friend's house. When we get near town, I remember that my husband and I had showed the kids this big old house we had dreamed of buying before we bought the one that we did, and I thought I would swing in through that neighborhood on the way home so they could show another friend, Devan who lives closer to our house - whom we hadn't dropped off yet. In so doing, I thought I had arrived at the road where I wanted to turn very suddenly, and made a very quick left - even though the direction of our home would have been to continue straight. I drove up an unfamiliar hill rather quickly, and suddenly found that my car went off the end of the road and I was in a grove of trees. It was so strange - and as I was trying to explain it to the kids, even 8 year old Kullen said, "Mommy this isn't where we live." I realized what I had done, and started laughing so hard that I couldn't tell them it wasn't the road I thought it was, but that I did turn left on purpose. It was one of those eyes watering so bad you can't see, sides hurting from laughing so hard, snorting, hysterical "I can't catch my breath" moments. We were all in absolute hysteria! I know the people that lived in that little neighborhood thought there was a demon possed, drug crazed driver who drove up their street, off the end of the road, and now sat, unable to drive in the car screaming - with laughter of course - but who knows if they could tell that!

What is the moral of this little story - life is never dull in our family - but maybe I am the one creating the chaos. I know I am weird, but I promise I am not trying. One of my daughters had a scrolling screensaver not long ago that said something to the effect, "Calling me normal is an insult". They just want to be identified as a part of our family!!! Aw, I'm having a warm fuzzy moment - could that mean I am half-asleep and should go to bed now? Do you think this weird post will help me earn points in JenIG's contest? I wasn't trying - but hey, maybe I'll sneak over there and try not to wake her and ask her to check it out!