I have been churning inside since a discussion yesterday in which a friend attempted to correct what they perceived as immaturity on my part. In another online format, I took a dig at someone who had done something illegal that involved one of my children about a year ago. I feel no guilt or remorse over what I said despite their best efforts to show me the error of my ways. The comment did not distract from the conversation and only those who are aware of the situation understood the underlying implication. No harm, no foul.
What disturbs me more is this idea that no matter what wrong or evil someone has done, we are to smile and lovingly emit a grace we are not ready to give and forgiveness whether you feel it or not. Supposedly, this is the Christian way. More and more as I contrast the precepts of my faith with the experience of my humanity, I have decided that I am no longer able to "fake it till I make it". Grace and forgiveness are a process, and in this particular situation it has not yet been achieved. I made a statement about the wrong done and I have no regrets. This same grace must be extended to cover me.
The other thing I was called down on was the issue that one of our friends who is not a Christian might be thrown by my inability to show the love of God to someone who caused injury to my child. In this case I will have to defer to God to love them, because at present I cannot. While this is considered horribly un-Christian of me, let me propose that it is perhaps moreso than putting on a fake smile and pretending whatever someone does in any given situation is okay because I am under some mandate to pursue forgiveness. Interacting with people with the motive of evangelism is as disconcerting as the friend who is a Tupperware dealer inserting the current specials into every conversation. We are not Jesus - and we might stop being such a colossal disappointment to the non-believing world if we stop the facade that we might be.
I am under no obligation to live up to the expectation of others.