21 January 2009

Feeling Too Much

I don't know how you go from being numb to feeling so much you feel like the pain alone will kill you. I spent about half an hour in my bathroom crying until I was vomiting, with my children holding my head. I don't know how to conceal the hell I am going through from them. While every intimate detail is not laid bare in front of them, I think there is no way to shield them from this. It is our mutual nightmare to live through together.
I feel like I can't listen to the radio or watch TV. Everything stirs up feelings inside of me. I don't really know what to do but put one foot in front of another. I would love nothing more than to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head and pretend this all is not happening and is not necessary.
Please continue your prayers dear bloggers. I know there is something supernatural that keeps me moving forward when I want to stop and sit right here in this pain and die.

5 comments:

  1. Julie, I cannot pretend to know your pain. But remember that God does. I went through a time of depression because of some completely different circumstances during our first term in Romania. God led me to this verse. I quote it often. It's on the header of my blog.

    Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah. Psalm 61:1-4

    I pray that you will find shelter in the shadow of the wings of our Almighty God. He loves you and cares for you deeply. Reach out to Him.

    {{{{Hugs}}} and lots of prayers!

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  2. Hi friend. I am here. Unconditionally.
    Check your email.
    Ted

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  3. I've been where you are years ago and I still remember the gut wrenching pain. This too shall pass, slowly, but it will pass.

    You are welcome in IN at any time.

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Awaiting your words......
♥ Juls ♥