On Boys and Dating

I got a comment this morning from "Tina" (I have so many of those in my life that it seems I've never met a Tina I didn't like!) who said she enjoyed observing the journey with my girls and their relationships. Of course it doesn't hurt that there are some really special guys involved, but this is what our fellowship and communion of hearts is all about. The journeys we make are intertwining one another both in real life and in the blogosphere. We learn from each other as we share the trials and laughter along the way. I have learned that the only things that stunt relationships with God and others are the things I hold back.
I have learned through the years with my kids to be the same way. It has not been an easy process. As I have said in previous posts, where we are was never where I expected to end up. I wanted my kids to experience the best that God has for them, and I was going to forcibly make it happen. The thing is that somewhere along the way, the grace of God has shown me that all of that intensity would potentially destroy not only our relationship but their image of God. In all that He is, He is a gentleman. He does not force His way or His will on us. As parents how can we consider it our duties to nurture our children to be at a higher level than our Creator takes with us?
One of the things that has become increasingly clear to me is that while I aim to live respectably with others, I no longer feel obligated to adjust my life accordingly. He put my children in my care, so He must've thought I could handle the job. The standard for living is set by God alone, and in relationship with Him is where I find what adjustments need to be made.
I have been frustrated with the attitude, even in Christian community that makes boys out to be deviants and perverts just waiting for an opportunity to behave badly. I do not believe this of my own son, or the sons of others. We are each imbued with good and bad. We each have choices to make, some which will be successful and others that will be failures. We will each make mistakes along the way. If God has allowed us the freedom to do so, how can we do any less for one another, and our children?
The other part of Tina's comment was this: What I love so much is that you are so peaceful about it and you don't treat the guys like the enemy. I am at peace. I can trust Papa to love my kids the way He loves me, and guide them through their lives as they mature and grow in their personal relationships with Him. What would come from treating the boys like enemies? I can trust Papa with them too. He's so good at what He does.

Can I Blog This Road?

I am at a crossroads, an intersection, a fork in the road.
I have struggled to blog about this because this is so personal. It is so unbelievably painful. There is a line I will not cross here in what I share, but at the same time, this is real life, and perhaps someone else can learn from my experience, or more likely my mistakes. Perhaps there is something in the sharing that will bring a word of encouragement from the lips of the Father to the ears of my soul.
At the same time, let me make this simple request - please do not sermonize. Share what you feel may be of benefit, and leave out pat answers, long recitations of scripture, and formulas that say, do this to know what God wants for you.
I told my husband this morning that I wanted to put our house on the market and go our separate ways. This morning he agreed with me. Throughout the day through many painful, tearful conversations, I have explained in great detail what has brought me to this conclusion, as he has insisted that he loves me and doesn't want me to leave. I can think of nothing better.
I left everything that really mattered to me when we moved here almost two years ago now (aside from him and my kids), in a last ditch effort to improve my marriage because it seemed he was really having a hard time living for so long away from his family, and yet nothing has changed between us. I am so lonely for companionship. I am far from being a saint myself, but I know that for 20 years I have been the one hauling our relationship like the weight of a dead elephant up a hill. I have been trying to be a better wife -thinking somehow if I took care of him better to the envy of other men that know us, he would see what a catch I am and a light bulb would go off.
All of the things I said today have been said ad nauseum and fallen on deaf ears. I am not sure which road I will choose. I think I have to choose sanity, peace, a place where even if I am alone it is by my own choice, and not because I have been abandoned again. I have had a whole life of abandonment. I'm all done. Would someone please give me my "get out of jail free" card???

Better Than a Conference

I don't want to push - and I hate to sound like I am selling something, but listening to this CD is better than going to any "pump you up" Christian mega-conference that I have ever attended. The music is so relevent. Here is a little "sneak preview" with lots of song clips:

Some of the words from the first song, What This World Needs, make me want to get up and dance around. First an explanation of where the song comes from:
Galatians is the main basis for this song. False teachers were slipping in and adding tot he Gospel. Jesus + being good = The Believer's Life. Paul builds in a foundation for the Galatian people that it is by faith in Jesus that we are saved. Even today, we the church, are in danger of adding to the Gospel Jesus plus my denomination. Jesus plus our style of worship. Jesus plus good behavior. We must be careful not to strap ourselves to the Gospel.
The words to this song are amazing:
What this world needs is not another one hit wonder with an axe to grind - Another two bit politician peddling lies - Another three ring circus society - What this world needs is not another sign waving super saing that's better than you - Another ear pleasing candy man afraid of the truth - Another prophet in an Armani suit - What this word needs is a Savior who will rescue - A Spirit who will lead - A Father who will love them in their time of need - A Savior who will rescue - A Spirit who will lead - A Father who will love - That's what this world needs - What this world needs is for us to care more about the inside than the outside - Have we become so blind that we can't see - God's gotta change her heart before He changes her shirt - What this world needs is for us to stop hiding behind our relevance - Blending in so well that people can't see the difference - And it's the difference that sets the world free - Jesus is our Savior, that's what this world needs - Father's arms around you, that's what this world needs - That's what this world needs
My absolute favorite part is a voice over section where the voices of teenagers say these things that I have heard echoed in youth group meetings for years - and it is so precious to me that they used teenagers to be the voice here:

People aren't confused about by the Gospel - they're confused by us
Jesus is the only way to God - but we aren't the only way to Jesus
The world doesn't need my tie, my hoodie, my denomination or my translation of the Bible
They just need Jesus
We can be passionate about what we believe - but we can't strap ourselves to the Gospel
Because we are slowing it down
Jesus is going to save the world, but maybe the best thing we can do is just get out of the way!!

The first time I heard this voice-over part it made me cry. If this speaks to you - this whole CD will amaze you, and inspire you to live in relationship instead of religion. I promise.