Numb-skulls

It has come to my attention more and more what a society of "feelingless" people we are becoming. I don't mean to say that we don't care about one another, but that we are a society that continually rejects our feelings. Many people in my generation (late 30 somethings) grew up in a time where we were taught to stuff our feelings, ignore them, pretend that they do not exist. It caused a lot of emotionally unhealthy adults.
Currently, I think the trend may be reversed in some ways. Many in our culture are preoccupied with feelings, offended at the slightest suggestion of an insult, a discussion about a choice we have made, or maybe even going so far as to think that anyone who does not feel as we do - share our sentiments, thoughts or opinions is being critical of us. (Trust me, been caught in this trap myself!) I think therapists couches are full of people trying to analyze and over-analyze ever minute conversation, gesture, or look we have in our interactions with other people. It is making us sick. What does God's word say?

He who covers an offense promotes love. Proverbs 17:9

Another trap I think that we are finding more and more prevalent is the numbing of all feelings. My mother-in-law lost her husband of 51 years last July. She is grieving. However, more than one person has suggested to her that she needed anti-depressants. I think this is a mark of our culture. I don't mean to take issue with those people - I think they are making their suggestions in love, but I worry about the trend to suppress our feelings. There are normal stages of grief, and if you do not go through them, I believe they will come back around again. Numbness is not overcoming, it is denial and I think that as a society we are in big danger here.
I know that many people take medications such as these to function - I have myself. I went through a time of such severe anxiety that I was literally having to remind myself to breathe. I had so much on my plate that I would go to bed at night and think to myself, what is the absolute least amount of sleep I can get and still function? Not healthy thoughts. So I took medication for a while - and then got my life straight - and found I no longer needed the medication. Some of the most healing times in my life were when I absolutely came to the end of myself, and beat my fists, cried my eyes out and screamed to the Lord to help me. God's word tells us repeatedly to "cry out". I don't know about you, but I'm going to take Him at His word - He seems to know best! If I had been a zombie, I would not have been able to grow through the difficult times.
I worry that some will react negatively to what I have said here - but please know - I am not talking about a physiological need for medication - I am talking about the generation of elementary school children who are drugged up so they can conform to the standards of a classroom, adults who take medication by the handfuls so that they don't have to feel guilt or pressure or pain for infidelity, cheating on their taxes, walking out on a wife/husband and children, etc. Our feelings are a tool God uses to drive us to Him, the place where it all comes back together again.

The Fellowship of Suffering

After my post yesterday about being an open person, and how freely I share, I have been sitting on a tremendous hurt since yesterday afternoon. I opened my email to an emotional bomb - with devastating consequences. In fact, it hurt so much that I could not even muster up words. My sweet husband knelt with me at the foot of our bed and prayed while I cried. I am grieving a loss - for about the millionth time, which you would think would make it easier, and yet for some reason, it seems to make it worse. However, the Lord and I have walked a long road of fellowship in this. He continues to remind me that He knows what rejection feels like and while it hurts deeper - I am more able to handle it than ever before. I know that there is a spiritual principle here somewhere that I cannot identify, other than maturity.
My thoughts are slightly clouded by grief - someone that I love - in fact one of my parents - has chosen to sever a relationship with me. There is nothing I can say or do - as I know from past history. I am thankful that while it continues to repeat itself, God shows no limit of pouring love and forgiveness through my heart to strengthen me for the roller coaster ride that this relationship mandates. I am innocent of blame. Their perceived injury is that of Satan's design, and he continually blinds their eyes and encapsulates their heart.
This morning I was so comforted by this verse - John 1:11 He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Jesus was familiar with the sting of rejection from those we would have expected to love Him the most. I know Christ better by sharing in the "fellowship of His sufferings". If walking this road is necessary to experience the power of His resurrection, fill my heart with courage Lord.
God spoke comfort to my heart this morning with this verse as well - (in italics)
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
I know the answer to this question is YES.
Though she may forget, I will not forget you!
I know the Lord will not forget me. I know that He loves me. I know that all the things that have transpired in a lifetime Satan meant for evil, but my Lord intends to use them for His good.

And as I write this, I can hear my children down the hall singing from Matthew West's song, Only Grace, these words, "there's only grace, there's only love, there's only mercy and believe me, it's enough, your sins are gone without a trace, there's nothing left now, there's only grace". The Lord has freed first me, and then my children. I am so blessed. I am so very very blessed.

Current Mood: Vulnerable

Have you ever seen those blog buttons that some people put up that express the "current mood" of the blogger? I've always thought those were interesting. In the vast forms of awkward communication available on the internet, body language, facial expression and tone of voice cannot play into how the message is being transmitted or received. Sometimes these little buttons help you with depth-perception, and understanding of the written word. If I had one of those cute little stamps right now, it would be say that my current mood is "vulnerable". It seems that situations happen in clusters that make me feel insecure, and I can be overwhelmed by this sense of worthlessness.
Several specific things have happened that I can pinpoint:

• Someone I love is playing games with me - not returning my calls, etc. (this is a cyclical situation with this person)
  
• At work, a group email goes around - and as soon as I give input it goes silent
• Not finding a niche where I fit in at a new church, or making any personal friends

I know that I am particularly prone to these feelings. A few years ago I did a Bible study called "Loving God With All Your Mind" by Phyllis George and it helped me to understand that women in general are prone to these kinds of feelings. And I am thankful that I can apply truth to my feelings - and don't have to be overcome by them.
One of my most mature Christian friends, and someone who helped me learn to walk with Christ helped me understand years ago that there is this battle constantly raging in our minds. It helps to know you're not alone. Perhaps that is the very best motivation for sharing a post such as this!