I should be doing a few other things, but I just have to blog while I have that first cup of coffee this morning. It's too good of a revelation not to share. I have lost 10 pounds. If you want to be technical 9.8 pounds - but I feel comfortable rounding to 10. I got on the scale this morning and it confirms what I have always believed - that you don't have to diet to lose weight. Diet, as in seriously restrict your food intake till you're starving all the time.
I did the Weigh Down Workshop years ago with my friend Carol, and we both lost a lot of weight. We also learned a lot of scripture. There was a big hoopla in the Christian community when the founder was outed as a Unitarian - which I didn't bother me nearly as much as her hair! More recently I had started to participate in a similarly Bible based weight loss program online that I failed at rather quickly. I learned something from both of these studies that I have applied with success this week - that God designed our bodies to work a certain way. He created our bodies to function properly under certain conditions. The problem for me was that these programs also required a great deal of Bible study.
Whoa - before anyone gets offended or feels I just made some sort of shocking revelation about an aversion to the Bible, please understand - I love the Bible. But, I personally refuse to use it as some magic formula to get me from point A to point B as far as my weight loss. I just can't do it. I personally don't like it when someone seeks to get close to me with ulterior motivation, and I personally can't imagine God does either. This is not to diminish in any way the successes that others have had - but for me, I know that all the scripture memorization and Bible study had an ulterior motive. Which is why when it ended, I gained all the weight back, and failed. The Bible study was a stumbling block for me - a program of guilt and obligation - when I didn't get to it or stay consistent with it, how I ate and the numbers on the scales reflected it.
But recently I have been thinking so much about what we are supposed to eat and not eat. I have also pondered the all things in moderation - meaning that nothing need be eliminated but put in its proper place. I have had the hunger pangs of an empty stomach. I have experienced the joy of eating cake again, and still been dropping pounds here and there. When I realize that my body is working the way it was designed, I am worshipful towards a Creator who made me this way.
No secret formulas. No guilt and obligation. Just me and God. He is teaching me all about His marvelous creation of the human body - my own.
Showing posts with label obligation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label obligation. Show all posts
17 February 2008
25 August 2007
Real or Obligation
I read this awesome post about guilt this morning and it got my thoughts going. Having been manipulated by a heavy dose of the g-word since childhood, and most especially since my parent's divorce, I have only in recent years been learning to distinguish the difference between real guilt because of wrong-doing and perceived guilt because I did not meet or exceed the expectations of someone else.
Perceived guilt comes in a variety of places. I grew up feeling personally responsible for my mother's mental health, and since it was a pretty consistent downward spiral, you can imagine the tsunami of guilt that I tried to stand against. As a young mother, I struggled with making the right choices for my babies - breast or bottle, cloth or disposable, and on and on and on, and as my children have grown these choices have become more complex. When bad things happen to or involving your children, in floods the guilt. In church and homeschool groups, you find yourself signing up to participate in good things because you think that they should happen, even while you don't feel necessarily compelled to do them, because if you don't you'll feel guilty that they didn't ever take off or weren't as good as they could've been because you did not do your part. This guilt can be handed down from the pulpit or from the group in general, and I too have participated in guilting others. (What do you mean you're not making the gingerbread houses this year? Sorry Helen!)
I have come to realize that anything motivated by guilt or obligation is not the real thing at all. It is why the Salvation Army bell ringers standing outside the stores on the holidays are successful, because we are motivated by the pressure to perform when we see a need. I am not saying the cause is not worthy, but that often we give out of the peer pressure of public performance versus out of the abundance of a generous heart.
Recently, I was talking to a friend and brought to tears when I realized that my mother never really let me love her. Everything you did for her was expected, and great mountains of guilt were heaped when you did not perform according to her specifications or expectations. This chokes a relationship and clogs off the natural flow of love.
If you think about the Garden, and the seeming risk Father took when He gave each of us freewill to choose to live in love with Him, it paints the perfect picture. Motivated by obligation and guilt, our "relationship" would mean nothing. Free to live above guilt is the path to perfect love.
Perceived guilt comes in a variety of places. I grew up feeling personally responsible for my mother's mental health, and since it was a pretty consistent downward spiral, you can imagine the tsunami of guilt that I tried to stand against. As a young mother, I struggled with making the right choices for my babies - breast or bottle, cloth or disposable, and on and on and on, and as my children have grown these choices have become more complex. When bad things happen to or involving your children, in floods the guilt. In church and homeschool groups, you find yourself signing up to participate in good things because you think that they should happen, even while you don't feel necessarily compelled to do them, because if you don't you'll feel guilty that they didn't ever take off or weren't as good as they could've been because you did not do your part. This guilt can be handed down from the pulpit or from the group in general, and I too have participated in guilting others. (What do you mean you're not making the gingerbread houses this year? Sorry Helen!)
I have come to realize that anything motivated by guilt or obligation is not the real thing at all. It is why the Salvation Army bell ringers standing outside the stores on the holidays are successful, because we are motivated by the pressure to perform when we see a need. I am not saying the cause is not worthy, but that often we give out of the peer pressure of public performance versus out of the abundance of a generous heart.
Recently, I was talking to a friend and brought to tears when I realized that my mother never really let me love her. Everything you did for her was expected, and great mountains of guilt were heaped when you did not perform according to her specifications or expectations. This chokes a relationship and clogs off the natural flow of love.
If you think about the Garden, and the seeming risk Father took when He gave each of us freewill to choose to live in love with Him, it paints the perfect picture. Motivated by obligation and guilt, our "relationship" would mean nothing. Free to live above guilt is the path to perfect love.
18 July 2007
Instincts and Obligation and an Update
Well, first things first - my husband a/k/a the Fabio version of the computer geek - only without the long hair and without the rest of his body waxed of every hair - managed to get everything (we hope!) off of the hard drive on my computer. Hewlett-Packard is sending me a Fed-Ex box with shipping paid so I can send it to their repair center. I hope that we get this problem eradicated before the 1 year warranty of the darn thing is up. It must be something special about me - I do indeed have the opposite of the Midas Touch when it comes to electronic devices.
Now on to my regularly scheduled thoughts this evening:
Right now it is 10:15 pm, and Kendra decided a short while ago that she wanted to make a Chai cake she found in a recipe book yesterday - the chai flavor being her favorite and all. She asked if she could - and I hate to say it but I really struggled to say yes. You see, I am learning to live free - and accept that my kids need to live in freedom in order to blossom into the individuals that God made them to be. For Kendra, her optimum, peak-performance time is night. It has been since she was a baby. What upsets me is that I have to fight everything in myself so hard to allow them this freedom. I don't want a mess, or the noise, or the questions that will come with baking an unfamiliar recipe. But what my daughter needs to do is create - try her hand at something new. I grew up with an early bedtime, waking up every morning to the demands of an alarm clock or someone else's idea of what I should do and when, making my bed before I left my room, and following "the plan". This is very responsible, and there are likely quite a few of you reading this thinking, "what on earth does she think is wrong with that?" This routine may create an obedient, well-regulated, societally oriented person, but it will never facilitate the extraordinary. When I was in high school my life was school and work. I was a talented writer - but my homework assignments, even in the creative writing class that I loved, were delegated to an item to cross of the never-ending list of things that I was obligated to do. There was no joy, no searching out the world around me with wonder.
I watch television shows like the Gilmore Girls and see the college bound Rory that I adore, however, I find it supremely unrealistic. Rory is involved in about a zillion extra-curricular activities, has breakfast every morning before catching the bus with her mother at the local diner, participates in everything that is going on in the community, has a boyfriend, a best friend and reads constantly - not light reading either - Russian authors, and classics like Shakespeare, all while maintaining a grade point average to keep her at the top of her class. I am sorry but no real human can maintain all of that - but yet most of our society models their lives after what they see on the boob tube. I imagine many families watch the Gilmore Girls and feel inferior because their kids and families aren't doing all of that.
What I want is to create space in our lives for my kids to grow, branch out, try their wings. It is counter to everything I have ever learned. It reminds me of learning to breathe - it should come naturally - but when we are anxious or under pressure - we tend to hold our breath. I have been holding my breath my whole life waiting to learn this lesson - for them and for me. It is what unschooling is about - inhale - exhale - inhale - exhale.
Now on to my regularly scheduled thoughts this evening:
Right now it is 10:15 pm, and Kendra decided a short while ago that she wanted to make a Chai cake she found in a recipe book yesterday - the chai flavor being her favorite and all. She asked if she could - and I hate to say it but I really struggled to say yes. You see, I am learning to live free - and accept that my kids need to live in freedom in order to blossom into the individuals that God made them to be. For Kendra, her optimum, peak-performance time is night. It has been since she was a baby. What upsets me is that I have to fight everything in myself so hard to allow them this freedom. I don't want a mess, or the noise, or the questions that will come with baking an unfamiliar recipe. But what my daughter needs to do is create - try her hand at something new. I grew up with an early bedtime, waking up every morning to the demands of an alarm clock or someone else's idea of what I should do and when, making my bed before I left my room, and following "the plan". This is very responsible, and there are likely quite a few of you reading this thinking, "what on earth does she think is wrong with that?" This routine may create an obedient, well-regulated, societally oriented person, but it will never facilitate the extraordinary. When I was in high school my life was school and work. I was a talented writer - but my homework assignments, even in the creative writing class that I loved, were delegated to an item to cross of the never-ending list of things that I was obligated to do. There was no joy, no searching out the world around me with wonder.
I watch television shows like the Gilmore Girls and see the college bound Rory that I adore, however, I find it supremely unrealistic. Rory is involved in about a zillion extra-curricular activities, has breakfast every morning before catching the bus with her mother at the local diner, participates in everything that is going on in the community, has a boyfriend, a best friend and reads constantly - not light reading either - Russian authors, and classics like Shakespeare, all while maintaining a grade point average to keep her at the top of her class. I am sorry but no real human can maintain all of that - but yet most of our society models their lives after what they see on the boob tube. I imagine many families watch the Gilmore Girls and feel inferior because their kids and families aren't doing all of that.
What I want is to create space in our lives for my kids to grow, branch out, try their wings. It is counter to everything I have ever learned. It reminds me of learning to breathe - it should come naturally - but when we are anxious or under pressure - we tend to hold our breath. I have been holding my breath my whole life waiting to learn this lesson - for them and for me. It is what unschooling is about - inhale - exhale - inhale - exhale.
17 July 2007
The Relationship Journey
As we have been making the transition out of traditional church, and calling on the Lord to show us when and where and in what direction He wants us to take the next step, I have been evaluating my spiritual life. I have become skeptical of every ritual and routine, finding most of them quite hollow and meaningless. One place I have been second guessing recently is the ritual that my quiet time has become. I have done it for years out of obligation - feeling like it is something I, as a believer "should do". This emphasis has permeated the church. But I am wondering now, how vibrant and vital my relationship with my spouse would be if I said, "Hey, at 7:30 tomorrow morning, I am going to meet with you, and we'll have intimate fellowship."
I know that one reason we tend to "schedule" God in to our days is because that time spent with Him is a priority to us, and we are all so busy - and yet we may be missing the forest for the trees. All of life is spending time with Him. Last week for the first time in years, I found myself laying on my bed reading the word on a Saturday night just because I wanted to. Normally, "God-time" (if I may be so bold as to call it that) has been checked off the list early in the morning. I think it is a shame to say that it was like this for me, but I don't think that I am alone. Instead of being the lover walking on the beach hand in hand with the Lord, we become the annoying secretary, day planner in hand, cracking our gum and tapping our pencils, telling the Lord to come and move in our hearts at a time that is convenient for us.
The journey into a relationship with God that isn't dependent on any formula, ritual or format has been so freeing, and it has had me re-evaluating everything. I have been crippled and these routines, and things done out of obligation have been a crutch. I heard one of the speakers on the GodJourney podcast say that the system props us up and gives us a false sense of spiritual life where there may be very little.
My prayer today is that I would learn to live outside the place of striving to earn the love of God. That I could have peace and rest in living in His love 24/7. That I would allow the living God out of the box I keep trying to shove Him into, to invade every single moment of my day. Overwhelm me with Your presence Lord. Forgive me for what I have made of our relationship.
It is my prayer for you as well.
I know that one reason we tend to "schedule" God in to our days is because that time spent with Him is a priority to us, and we are all so busy - and yet we may be missing the forest for the trees. All of life is spending time with Him. Last week for the first time in years, I found myself laying on my bed reading the word on a Saturday night just because I wanted to. Normally, "God-time" (if I may be so bold as to call it that) has been checked off the list early in the morning. I think it is a shame to say that it was like this for me, but I don't think that I am alone. Instead of being the lover walking on the beach hand in hand with the Lord, we become the annoying secretary, day planner in hand, cracking our gum and tapping our pencils, telling the Lord to come and move in our hearts at a time that is convenient for us.
The journey into a relationship with God that isn't dependent on any formula, ritual or format has been so freeing, and it has had me re-evaluating everything. I have been crippled and these routines, and things done out of obligation have been a crutch. I heard one of the speakers on the GodJourney podcast say that the system props us up and gives us a false sense of spiritual life where there may be very little.
My prayer today is that I would learn to live outside the place of striving to earn the love of God. That I could have peace and rest in living in His love 24/7. That I would allow the living God out of the box I keep trying to shove Him into, to invade every single moment of my day. Overwhelm me with Your presence Lord. Forgive me for what I have made of our relationship.
It is my prayer for you as well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)