Almost Heaven

In my last post, my friend Dwayne reminded me that West Virginia was known as almost heaven... but not quite. It made me think of a funny sermon line our pastor used to say... "it ain't heaven till it's heaven". How true. It is a great perspective to have, that no matter where you are there are problems. The difference is, with my family of friends I learned all of the lessons that I should have learned in the safety and security of family. I learned that you can disagree with someone, or even have a falling out on something, but that if you love one another there is nothing that you aren't willing to get through and come out on the other side with an intact relationship. This is a process. With my parents, if you say something they don't like, live in a way that does not meet with their approval they may not speak to you for years. I have had some friends that I have had some serious rifts with over different things, and something beautiful happens along the way as love brought us back together. It is always love - and for the first time in my life I had that in my relationships. It wasn't always heaven, but love always prevailed. There is a palpable emptiness in my life where they used to be, and I feel like I am withering here without them.
It is hard for my husband. This is where his extended family is and he is in a place of having to choose what is best for the rest of us, or being here in case he is needed. I care a lot about my husband's family. They are a terrific bunch of people, but what I have with them mostly is a telephone relationship - which I could have from anywhere. It breaks my heart for him to have to make such a decision. We had a long talk about it - and the kids were articulating the best way they could how unhappy they have been here overall. Please be praying for our family as we move through this difficult process.

BTW - I woke up yesterday morning with the top right quarter of my back in serious pain that didn't go away through the day. It gets worse at night - so sitting, standing, laying - nothing seems to be comfortable. I kept heat on it quite a bit. I am not sure what is going on but I think it is likely stress related. My muscles were so tight the other day that I could barely turn my head. This is not good.

The Prodigal Son and the Father's Love

Try explaining to a very analytical 10 year old the story of the prodigal son and how it mirrors the relationship we have with God. Try doing this at midnight. We were cuddled up in the dark talking about the way God rejoices when someone who has been away comes back to Him. There were questions and answers, singing of snippets from the song, "When God Ran" from Phillips, Craig and Dean. It is a poignant picture. I wonder how a child who has never really known the rejection, distance of alienation of a parent can experience this in as profound a way as I did. I know that I can trust God to reveal His love to Kullen, all on His lonesome, but I know that I ached to be loved with that kind of abandon. This picture of the father, watching and waiting for the son, seeing him come from far off, and casting all dignity aside, hiking up his garment and running for all he was worth to the son who could have surely been called a disappointment, a lost cause, a failure is one that I need fresh daily. Sometimes I wonder how children who grow up in loving homes need Him like I do.
Thank you Papa.