I am certain that this post will be a shock to some that know me. I hope that I am able to articulate what has transpired in my life over the last year, and even going back before that, and how it has affected me, and the shift our family is experiencing as we come undone, and untangled from organized religion. God has been trying to show me for years now that what I thought was spiritual life, was little more than smoke and mirrors. What I though was worship was a façade, an item crossed off a check-list of things to do in order to feel good about myself, and my standing with Him. Quiet time was a ritual, and little more than that. Even on the days that I tried hard to keep with me what I had digested that morning, more often than not, I was looking for a feeling of approval – like my mentally retarded brother –in-law says when he cleans his plate, or writes his name, “I did good”, and wearing it as a banner over my life as I interacted with others, a sense of superiority, I had my quiet time today. My Christian walk has been little more than a crawl – against the wind, in the desert sands, chasing mirages.
Since we moved, and I have been visiting churches full of unfamiliar faces, my eyes have been opened to the hypocrisy in my own heart, and what we call the “church” in modern day America. Face forward. Every head bowed, every eye closed. Sit. Stand. Sing 5 verses 3 times. Sit. Pray. Raise your hand. Don’t deviate from the program. How can God’s spirit move in the confines of our itinerary?
I began noticing that so much of what passes for a “sermon” has very little to do with the word of God, and much more to do with a social agenda. The church is anti-alcohol, anti-smoking, anti-gay, anti-pornography, anti-Harry Potter, anti-anti-anti, etc. and for years while we have had this growing laundry list of things we don’t “do” or “support”, we have done little to effect a real change. Jesus hung out with the whores, and thieves, and liars. He drew them into relationship with Him. He knew that no change could be affected without that connection, but we’ve pushed them out of the modern day church, in intolerant self-righteousness.
Recently, I heard someone say that we were moving out of the “church-age” and into the “relational-age”. I wasn’t sure at first exactly what that meant, but it resonated with me. I found myself saying to a friend not long ago, that I hated going to church. It scared me. What I want is not more “church-ianity” but a deeper relationship with Jesus. I am ready to shed the guilt of not doing enough, and walk one day at a time in His leading.
I found a website recently that is busy documenting the sweeping movement of committed Christians who are dropping out of formalized religion – and have decided to stop “going to” church and start “being” the church. It is called The God Journey. Finally someone was putting into words what I had been thinking and feeling. Intelligent, articulate people who were passionately in love with Jesus Christ but tired of church as we know it. Do we have it all figured out? Nope. That’s the beauty part, we get to get closer to Jesus and follow His leading. If you are feeling much the same way – I would highly recommend watching the videos found at Family Room Media about “Church Dropouts” and their series on “Church Outside the Walls”. There is also a vast resource of podcast archives, with a lot of nitty-gritty stuff to chew on.
Here was an amazing article, Is Jesus Enough. I say YES. He is enough. Peel back the layers Lord and let me be left with YOU! God is in control. All our trust is in Him. Our home is open. Our hearts are open. All our resources are in His hands. We wait with great anticipation to see what He is doing in us. This may not make me popular. In fact there was a time that I would have been furious with someone saying such things. But we know the road He is leading us down, and what else is there to do but follow.
I found this video that someone put together using clips from The Passion of the Christ to a Todd Agnew song, Which Jesus Do You Follow. It is my heartsong right now.
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Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?
Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?
Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand
Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?
Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side or fall down and worship at His holy feet
Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him
Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?
Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet would stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despised the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud
I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!
Not a poster child for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like my Jesus
