Have I ever mentioned that I have trouble with quiet? Those who know me IRL certainly might surmise that at the sheer amount of words that can emit from my mouth when I am in good company. Can I help that I love good conversation?
But serioiusly - silence - that complete silence where all you can hear is your own breath and maybe your heart beat - freaks.me.out!
I am sitting ont he front porch right now and if there weren't birds twittering in the trees, kitty cats crunching on their food or the gentle clanking sound of my wooden windchimes, I might freak out.
I have a theory. After my parents divorce, I stayed at home alone a LOT. I was only about 10 by the time my brother went to live with our dad. I don't think I ever told anybody how scared I was to be left alone. My mom would get angry at me if I made her feel guilty for going out at night to the clubs she frequented, so I never told her that I was terrified. One thing that helped me feel better was to have either the TV or the radio on at all times.
Eventually I got older and stopped being scared, but I never got over being freaked out by the silence. Even today it is an issue. I can't stand the quiet.
And there is one thing a writer needs great amounts of, which would be my greatest tool and that is uninterrupted silence. Now that I really really want it, I can't seem to get it.
I have passed this on to my children who all seem to have to have something audible going on at all times. Today we were hiking some of the trails, me thinking that being connected with nature would help me reconnect a little with real life and help the writing process. We are walking along, having nice gentle conversation, hearing leaves rustle, looking at cobwebs, when all of a sudden some sort of gangsta music starts to play - it's Kendra with music blaring from her cell phone.
At least until I shot her the evil eye.
She said it helps her enjoy nature more - I beg to differ.
silence can be intimidating. i know when i was living alone in memphis, when i actually had a moment of genuine silence (no sirens, no neighbors yelling, no gun shots, etc.) i would go and turn my television on for background noise. sometimes when things are too quiet you grow suspicious and i know during that time i couldn't trust the silence -it just wasn't normal.
ReplyDeleteIt's never quiet here either.
ReplyDeleteI sleep with music on and when the internet shuts off it wakes me up, the silence wakes me up, go figure.
It's amazing how our childhood experiences mold us, either for the better or with struggles. This is true in my own case. Your childhood sounds similiar to mine in the lonliness factor.
ReplyDeleteI too am VERY uncomfortable with silence. Only in social situations though. I feel like if there isn't constant conversation that that is a bad thing. This probably explains my talkative nature. I'm becoming a little more comfortable with silence as I get older. I can tell when the Holy Spirit is reminding me that quiet is a good thing, give others a chance to talk or actually LISTEN to what they have just said.
I have to have absolute quiet though when I am reading. They say that today's generation of mlti-taskers learn better with music etc going on when they study. My Hub though, hardly today's generation, is one who HAS to have music on when he's studying something. It's weird how we are all wired up so differently!
Connie
Although it is NEVER quiet here: Computers on, phones ringing, cats fighting, dog whining, etc.
ReplyDeleteI love the quiet. Probably because I usually don't get any. I can feel my self connect with myself when it is quiet...if that makes sense.
Me, I love silence. I just rarely take advantage of it. For me, it's those moments when it's just me and Jesus that I seem to hear Him the clearest. It's also when all my deep thinking happens. It's often been, in the silence of the wee hours of the night, when everyone else is sound asleep, that I slip out of bed and go sit in the floor somewhere in total darkness, just listening to my spirit and enjoying the most beautiful moments with Father. It's then that I can hear Him, as if He had a megaphone to my heart. An added benefit is that I'm usually not the same person when I get up. I don't know how He does that.
ReplyDeleteSilence can be good. Don't be afraid.