Open Door

Yesterday I heard of a teen pregnancy that is within our extended circle of friends. It doesn't surprise me, not because of the person or their character, or because of the acceptance in our society, but because I know what it is like to possess a sinful nature. My first reaction because of the age of the couple was that this is something, a very permanent thing that they may have to deal with the rest of their lives. I see the possibility of things like finishing high school, going to college, and growing up and maturing before making the decision to commit yourself to a relationship permanently slipping away from them.
I know that regardless of the obstacles faced, God can still redeem the situation. I shared a bit of my personal testimony here, and I still say that my oldest daughter, born before her dad and I were married is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. In so saying, I am not condoning the sin - but recognizing her life as precious to Father God, and never a mistake in His heart. He redeemed her life - and she lives and breathes for Him which is just how Father works. He is amazing.
I woke up this morning with this young expectant couple on my heart. I was thinking about the challenges they face, and some other teen couples were on my heart, to pray for them that they can hold to the commitments they have made to remaining pure until their wedding night. If they can't or don't, I personally won't love them any less, but I will be sad in the way I would be if they traded in diamonds and gold for a cheap bubble gum ring out of a vending machine. I want them to reap the blessings of waiting for God's best.
A few years ago as I was exploring this subject with the youth group, we were discussing purity. A lot of emphasis is placed now on even waiting to share your first kiss at the altar, or not even holding hands - and while I think this is precious, I am not sure that it is Biblical. (I don't think it is un-Biblical either, I am just not sure it can be backed up scripturally - feel free to show me otherwise) However, when we were discussing these things, I know that the Lord showed me this example to share with them. We had a door in the corner of the room, and I had one of the kids shut the door completely. I then instructed them to take their hand and push on the center of the door to see if it could be opened that way - and it could not. Then we opened the door just a crack, using the door knob which represented a choice to open the door. It wasn't opened enough for a person to walk through, and in fact not really even cracked enough to let light pass through. I then instructed them to push on the center of the door that was cracked open. One firm push, and the door flew all the way open. The point is that each of these steps is cracking open a door that once you pass through, you cannot enter again.
I have also had discussions with teenagers that thought anything aside from actual intercourse (can I say that in the bloggy world?) was acceptable. I won't go into detail making a list here - but while I don't think the simple affections of hand holding or innocent kisses are necessarily wrong, I will say for the record that anything you can't do in front of others, that has to be done in secret or darkness should be clearly recognized as sin. "The list" as I said isn't mine to make. The truth of the matter is that purity starts in the heart and mind.
For some young people, the door has been wide open for a long time. God can still redeem and use their lives. As believers, can we stand in the gap for these young people - and hold up a standard of purity, help those that are caught in the consequences of their own sin so that fewer babies will be aborted, and help redeem those Christ loves and bought with a price as precious, and of whom He says, though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow.

Sitcom Life

Sometimes I wish that life was like a sitcom with intense situations that resolve themselves in a matter of minutes. There are times when situations overwhelm me - I behave badly (even if I was justified in a wrong that was committed against me) and everybody in the house walks around refusing to make contact with me. Then on top of it I have to make amends. I hate that part. Not that I hate apologizing - I hate feeling at odds with people that I love.
Here's the deal - I have felt like a single parent for 16 years. My husband is lovely in a lot of ways but when it comes down to the nitty gritty job of parenting, it all falls on me. I am caving under the pressure. I feel like there are days when it is an uphill battle, and truthfully, I get tired. One kid has had clean towels laying in her room for 3 days - while there are none in the actual bathroom where people are needing towels, and today I find 3 kittens laying on them - and while this is dreadfully cute, I don't want hairy towels. And while she has not found the time to fold them, she has been on myspace, watched movies, etc. etc. Another child, while told they could NOT bring drinks in the living room any longer because every other time they do - there is a spill (and honestly I hate being an ogre - but I am tired of cleaning up spills because they cannot adequately remove the stickiness - I feel it is my right to put a moratorium on this child's living room drinking privileges) - however, daily I have to battle this same child over this same issue. I am just exhausted from the fight - and I feel like I do it alone. But if that wasn't enough, my husband gets tired of hearing it - and instead of roping the bulls, he goes for the cowboy that is barely holding on to the saddle to begin with.
I am tired - and whiny. Ugh. Goodnight cruel world. (I don't mean it! Praise the Lord His mercies are new every morning - and the way I see it - the quicker I get to sleep - the quicker that morning will be coming!)

Who Says This Stuff

Overheard a teenage boy today saying, "They say if you can tie a string in a knot in your mouth with your tongue it means you're a good kisser."

I ask you, who are they and why the heck do they say this stuff?

Trusted Adviser

My friend Carol and I were talking about the things that teens say. She had an incident where a young man, a friend of her daughter's used a phrase that took her by surprise. It wasn't crude necessarily - he stated how so many guys just want to "get in a girls pants". It sounds like he was being sincere, and although using a phrase which at first seems crude, he was sharing his thoughts on the overtly sexual culture we live in and the inappropriate nature of most male-female relationships. I will admit, like many adults, I get uncomfortable when the subject of sex comes up with teenagers, but I have chosen to take the path of being their trusted adviser. If they are speaking about such things in front of me, or with me, then they are inviting me into a sacred part of their lives. When we make sex a taboo subject, and are unwilling to have open and frank discussions with our kids about a topic that is very forefront in their minds, we can encourage it to become a private and secretive part of their lives. I have always talked very openly with my own children about God's plan for the family and the role that sex plays in that plan. I never pass up an opportunity to help teenagers shape their thinking as well. Years ago, as a new youth leader, I knew God wanted me to focus on what He has to say about sex with the group. I asked several parents that I trusted what their thinking was on the subject. My friend Kate told me that the kids need to hear from other Christians, other adults that they trust what God has to say on the subject. It confirms what their parents are telling them at home. I have taken the role of trusted adviser. Sometimes it means I hear things from them that other adults would blush at or shy away from. There are times when I feel awkward and grasp for words, but I never take it lightly that they trust me. Are you a trusted adviser?

T13 Edition #9 - They're Here - Teen Girl Invasion

My girls friends arrived yesterday. If you didn't know that for a fact you could just visit my house and 30 seconds later it would be clear. We have been invaded. Welcome to teen girl world. It was so exciting when the girls got off the plane - even the stewardess that chaperoning the girls during their flight started squealing and jumping up and down with them. It was awesome. Here is the picture I took of them moments after we were all together -
Here are 13 evidences to the fact that my house has been overrun with teenage girls:

Thirteen Evidences to a Teen Girl Invasion

What you can see:

1. Books

2. Shoes

3. Jewelry

4. Cell phones

5. Make-up and assorted brushes, toiletries and hair implements - both electrical and non-electrical

What you can smell:

6. Body wash, and shampoo drifting in a cloud of steam

7. Perfume

8. Bubble Gum

9. Mouth wash

What you can hear:

10. Loud music and singing

11. Giggles

12. Squealing

13. Deep heartfelt conversations about God, boys, music, politics, etc. You name it - they're talking about it!

Drivers License Test - Part 2

The saga begins - if you can guess by the cheesy smile on this adorable face, I am now the parent of a teenager with her learner's permit.
Can I just say that I am NOT ready for this? The "learner's" part that is. What this means is that there is a whole lot to learn for her, and a whole lot to teach for me. Here she is sitting behind the wheel of the nicest car I have ever had. Could somebody explain to me how that happens? As soon as we can afford a decent vehicle, we have to put it in the hands of our children!
I let her drive from the DPS office and through the middle of town. She did a great job......until......she made a screeching turn into the video store parking lot and nearly took out a shrub. It shook both of us up a bit, but the point was made as to the power of a moving vehicle. I know the girl that was working inside the video store thought she was coming straight through that front window. After we realized it was alright we both laughed quite a bit. Whew! In my attempt at photo journalism and love of scrapbooking, I took this picture of her first skid-mark. Thankfully it was across some grass, and her foot found the brake.
Please pray for us during this time. We are experiencing growing pains!

La La La La Life Goes On

I have been blogging so much lately – that if you noticed I haven't posted anything yet today and it's almost midnight – it is because I have been VERY busy today. We went with our co-op on a trail through parts of the Big Thicket. I will post more about that later. Then tonight we went to a "Leeland" (Sound of Melodies, Yes You Have, etc. - from Baytown, TX) concert at a mega-church in Beaumont (which btw was FREE, thank you Leeland!) One thing I really miss is having another adult to enjoy times like this. The teens are great – but when there is another adult with me, I don't feel outnumbered.

At one point at the concert, it was getting very warm, and I felt like people were leaning in on me from every side and felt what must have been the beginning of a panic attack. I had to make everybody spread out a bit – because I was really having the feeling that I would freak if I didn't get some space. Strange – that's never really happened to me before.

Anyhoo, it's been a full day and I'm tired – hope your day was awesome too!

I love how the picture at the top was taken outside at dusk without the flash - and it has a blue-ish tinge to it. L to R is Bethany, Kyle, Kullen (under Kyle's arm), Kaitlyn, Cecil (this picture cuts off his face) and Kendra. I took that awesome picture of Leeland also - pretty cool, huh? It was completely by accident because I mainly held my camera up over my head and snapped. Why is it that the tallest guy in the room always seems to be standing directly in FRONT of me? Anyway - lucky shot. Kendra thinks I should send it to the band! It is kind of cool with the starburst effect of the light behind the lead singer.

Missing My Teens

Over the last several years, my life had become more and more intertwined with the teenagers who were my kids' friends, my friends' kids, and part of the youth group I was so blessed to be involved in. These kids brought a lot of laughter, late nights, soda and pizza, crazy games, loud music, and energy into my life - and joy beyond what I can describe. They loved you because you loved them. Their innocence was contagious - and their curiosity was infectious. Their whole lives were before them, and you couldn't help but want to share your mistakes with them, in the hopes that they would make better choices than you did. You want to protect them, and help them learn to be wise at the same time. I have missed them in a huge way over the last year. This afternoon, the kids in our neighborhood got out of school after half a day because they have "winter break" (who wouldda thought - when kids don't have a gazillion snow days, they actually get a week off in the winter!), and the familiar sound of music, teenage laughter and energy filled the house. I took the girls and two friends to dinner and the movies. It was great. I have missed them so much!
One thing I have especially missed was teen boys - geesh! Weird, huh? It was so nice having a teenage boy around - and a nice one - that says "ma'am" and "sir" and stuff like that! We tried to teach him how to say "xie xie" which is "thank you" in Chinese so he could say it to the waitress when we left the Chinese buffet after dinner. At first as he practiced, he was spitting it out rapidly, more like gunfire than manners, "shee shee" every time any of the wait staff walked by, in the enthusiastic way only a teenage boy can. I thought a more southern rendition - maybe "shee-ee, shee-ee y'all" would've been a little more appropo.
It was a great night! It helped fill in a lonely place in my heart.
(I still miss you guys though - Brenna, Tayva, Kameron, Devan, Kelly A., Justin, Dillon, Curtis, Jamey, Jon, Cody, Jessie, Rachel R., Sarah, David, Grace, Kayla, Colleen, Ryan, Laura, Kelly S., Mikaela, Angie, Martin, Hannah, Sarah, Rachel B., Amy, Lauren, Christiana, Mary, Paulie, Josh, Dawn, ....)

I'm the Parent of a Teenager - That Means I'm Insane!

I have a teenage daughter. I love her very much however, at times it feels like we are from different planets. Sometimes she blinks her eyes and says, "I love you, mommy" - translation - I want something. Sometimes she looks at me with an expression that says, "I hate you" - translation I need you to understand me. Sometimes she stomps down the hall, borrows my things and doesn't return them, asks me to buy ugly clothes, wants her hair streaked, her ears pierced, and would like somehow for me to alter the genetic makeup that causes her to have a nose shaped like mine and a chin shaped like her father. Sometimes she cries, and even she will readily admit it is for absolutely no reason! Recently she was really angry with someone, and when we talked it out, and dug a little deeper - I realized she wanted to stay angry at him, because she doesn't want to like him! She will ask me to sacrifice many hours of sleep to sit up and talk a problem out with her - and the very next day accuse me of never doing ANYTHING for her. She will insist I love her brother and sister more than her, that she NEVER gets a front seat in the car, that we never listen to HER music, she doesn't ever go ANYwhere, do ANYthing or see ANYbody - when I feel sometimes like I meet myself coming and going while helping to coordinate the social life and extracurricular activites of her and any number of her friends! She thinks herself in love with someone and talks about him 24/7, and yet rolls her eyes when her brother sings a song he likes for a second time, or I repeat a request for her music to be turned down AGAIN! Most of the time, I would swear we don't speak the same language, and yet there is a communication that goes through to the heart. Last night she came into my bedroom crying and asked to sleep with me. We didn't say too many words. She just cuddled up to me, and I held her as she cried - and I thought to myself that our relationship at it's core is still much like it was when she was a baby. She is still growing and changing - yet even though she thinks herself quite sophisticated and grown up, when things are hard, and the tears start to fall, she still needs me to hold her while she cries!