The Good Earth

A couple of weeks ago, I told my husband that I really wanted to put a garden in this year. I put one in last year, and then shortly after I started getting plants, I promptly took off for three weeks to (almost heaven) West Virginia. When I got home, the weeds were bigger than the plants. We had quite a few fried green tomato feasts, zucchini and squash, and evidently our neighbor had his fair share of watermelon that I never even knew produced (ugh!) - but it was too much for me alone. Travis consented, so this is what we did together on Mother's Day -
We planted 3 rows of corn, 2 types of lettuce, broccoli, peas, beans, tomatoes here and squash and zucchini and cucumbers on mounds that are not in this picture. I also plan on planting some melons on some other mounds in the back yard. While I don't particularly like the weeds, or bugs, or the back-breaking labor of having a garden, or enduring the heat and sun, I would enjoy defraying some of my projected grocery bill for the summer. I also think there is a lot of value for Travis and I to work together, our hands in the dirt and participate in the process of nurturing life from the ground. There is an organic, back to the basics, Adam and Eve-ness to it all, 'cept we was wearing clothes - mainly for the sake of the neighbors.
This is a late start around here. There are people in our area that already have mature gardens that are producing, and we just put seeds in the ground. No matter - with the long growing season we should have plenty of yield. I am not sure that is the point of this garden anyway.

Need to Breathe

All that has transpired has made the last week or so seem like a year....or maybe two. On top of it all, the weather has turned humid, getting heavier and heavier with our AC broken (it needs recharged - and hopefully only that), and I have been wheezing and struggling to breathe. I was waking up every night coughing my head off and needing my inhaler. I haven't had an asthma attack this bad since I was a child. So I think lack of sleep and lack of oxygen might be contributing to the ability to think clearly.
Last night, I was telling Travis about how hard it has been for me to breathe lately. He was listening. Really listening, kinda like he cared. He has a window unit in his back room. He started asking me if I wanted him to put it in our bathroom window, saying we could close the bedroom door and it would keep that one room in the house cool enough.
Usually he finds anything like this an imposition. Giving up comfort for the room he has chosen to live in the year and a half since we moved into this house, refusing to engage and to the complete neglect of his family (which he hasn't entered in 3 days) is a huge personal sacrifice. I can see something in him has broken. Whether this is permanent or temporary remains to be seen. I am just ready to get off of the ferris wheel - and at the first sign of temporary I will be jumping - even from the tippee top.

It seems a simple thing but it made me cry, the air conditioner, and how it must seem so natural for others to have their most basic needs so easily met - like the need to breathe. I realize in a deep way that I am not accustomed to having anybody take care of me, at all. I am tired of being the one sitting on the sidelines wondering what it feels like to join in the dance, to be swept up in love, to be nurtured and cared for. Emotionally I have felt like the dirty little girl with the ripped dress and no shoes for so many years.