One Day at a Time

In this healing process that the kids and I are going through, there seem to be stops and starts. One thing for certain is that I have to keep a check on how busy I allow myself to be, as sort of a self-preservation method. If I am constantly on the go go go and busily doing this, that and the other, there is little time to think about all that is happening.
I get anxious when I think beyond this current time period. If I try to let my mind wander even six months down the road, I become preoccupied with where I want to be - physically, emotionally, in life, in the healing process. It overwhelms me, and so like the "take action" kind of girl that I am, I start trying to develop a plan on how to get there. This is never productive, specifically because I don't know how to get there. All I know is that this day, and this moment are a gift from God, and He is helping me through it.
I don't want anyone to get the impression that I'm falling apart. I have my moments. Certain things still have the ability to bring me to my knees. I am still quite capable of tears, but I know there will come a day when I'll be stronger. God is daily teaching me that His grace is sufficient for me this day. If I can stay focused on that, it is a good day.
I heard about a divorce care group at a local church, and I am thinking about joining. I haven't decided yet. I think it could be pretty toxic, and have no desire to sit around and listen to a bunch of ex-bashing. So, if I check it out it will be by sticking my toe in and testing the waters. I also want to be extremely careful - the circumstances of my situation have the opportunity to paint me the victim. I have no desire to be such.
There is this learning curve. I know that I never had a partner in life before, and that instead of carrying part of the load, I had an extra burden and a force beating me down, literally and figuratively that handicapped me. There is a peace amidst the chaos. I know we're going to be alright. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time, hand in hand with my Papa.

Eat the Meat and Spit out the Bones

I saw this post on my friend Sheryl's blog and it got me thinking about our tendencies to discredit a person - famous or not - because of one thing that they say or do. I had a friend tell me years ago that the truth is the truth even if a liar speaks it - and I have tried to filter what I hear or read through that thinking ever since. Sometimes the deepest, most profound truths can come from the most unlikely sources.
I personally find Oprah and Dr. Phil a bit new-agey, self-helpish. It doesn't mean that I am never interested in what they have to say or find helpful information. I take what I feel is useful - and discard what is not. It is like eating meat and spitting out the bones. A lot of people discard things that are said by children or teens -as if they have nothing to offer us. My take on it is this - if we are all created in the image of God - no matter what particular bend our marring by sin may take - we all have something to offer each other.
I haven't watched Oprah in many, many years, and I have never watched Dr. Phil - but I have had occasion to see an interview or humanitarian story, etc. When I do hear them, I take what is useful and reject what is not, or what I know to be untrue. Sometimes you'll hear someone say something like "the power in you" or speak of a "higher power" - and while they are not naming the power - I know that it is God, even if they do not yet.
I see so many people around me being so anti-this and anti-that - when what we need to do is stand for truth, grace and mercy. I think of Jesus, and his response to the woman at the well. I always picture Him from her eyes, at His feet looking up - and I feel so grateful that He didn't go and discredit her to the community. He spoke truth, He showed love, and He went on His way, allowing God to continue the work His words of truth began.

We Mean it for Good

I was talking with a friend this afternoon about the product of legalism in parenting. I have seen overly strict parents, who have their child's absolute best at heart, often inadvertently send their child into wild rebellion. I knew a family with seven children who were all raised without television, without radio, never allowed to go to the "show", the girls weren't allowed to wear make-up, nobody was allowed to date, they couldn't so much as take a step without a measuring stick determining whether or not the length of their stride was appropriate. These kids had clean faces, and clean hands, but their hearts longed for contamination. All seven of them got out of their parents home and have no interest whatsoever for the things of the Lord, who in their experience would restrict their intake of oxygen.
I have also seen parents whose desire was to turn their children's hearts to celibacy and purity- and instead gave their children an aversion to the opposite sex, eventually giving in to a preference for their own gender.
The enemy is watching us. If he can't use our shortcomings as individuals to contaminate our children, he will attempt to use what we intend for good and pervert it. I have not reached the end of my parenting years, and don't claim to know everything, but on the most basic level, I trust that the God who brought my heart out of a very dysfunctional childhood, to having a heart that seeks Him and strives to please Him in all that I do to lead my children as well. I don't have to make a "rule" about every little thing. I can show love and grace just as the Father has shown me.

Prayer Request for Grace

My friend Kate has a daughter, Grace who has truly lived up to her name. Her entire life has been one medical battle after another, but if you met her, you would never know it. I remember her as the little girl in Children's Church and Thursday night church (yes, our church was weird) who would hold her head back to deal with allergies. Grace has been through surgeries, daily shots, cancer treatment, overcame hearing loss to learn to speak and read, and the latest medical obstacle to overcome is that she needs a kidney transplant. She is scheduled to have a catheter put in today to begin dialysis. Tomorrow is her 14th birthday. Please pray for God's healing touch on Grace, His guidance of the surgeon's hands, and His provision for all of her needs. If you would like to see picture of this beautiful girl, her mom posted some here!

The Ultimate Reason to Party

I'll tell you what - this Ultimate Blog Party has been so much fun. I've made tons of new friends. It has been a blast. There have been some great games, awesome music, and at least some pictures and recipes of what looks to be some very yummy food. I wish we could all really get together and have a great big party!
I have been wanting to put music up at my blog all day - the kind I would put on in my house if I were having friends over. I chose this Krystal Myers video from YouTube because it is one of my favorite songs. This 17 year old girl sings about the best reason of all to party - "grace". (not getting what we really deserve!) If you knew what a absolutely and complete disaster my life was before I met Jesus, you'd know how precious His grace is to me. The Bible tells us (my paraphrase) that we love in the same measure that we are forgiven - and I have been forgiven much. I am hopelessly, helplessly in love with the King of my heart, and even as daily I fail Him ~ He still loves me. That is grace that takes my breath away!

Beauty of Grace
Tell me why do you run
you say you're so ashamed
bruised and broken
thought if i figured out
the mess you've made
that i'd leave

but anywhere you are
is never too far away
there's freedom from your scars
the mistakes that you've made..forgivin
the memories erased
baby thats the beauty of graaaace
la de da la de da da

tell me what is love
i'll never hold you to
the things you may have done
you say you want new life
in my arms there's mercy

anywhere you are
is never too far away
there's freedom from your scars
the mistakes that you've made..forgivin
the memories erased
baby that's the beauty of grace
la de da la de da da

so blow a kiss goodbye
to all the pain you hide

anywhere you are
is never too far away
there's freedom from your scars.....

the memories erased
baby that's the beauty of grace

anywhere you are
is never too far away
there's freedom from your scars
and the mistakes that you've made
forgiven
memories erased
baby thats the beauty of graaaace

The Fellowship of Suffering

After my post yesterday about being an open person, and how freely I share, I have been sitting on a tremendous hurt since yesterday afternoon. I opened my email to an emotional bomb - with devastating consequences. In fact, it hurt so much that I could not even muster up words. My sweet husband knelt with me at the foot of our bed and prayed while I cried. I am grieving a loss - for about the millionth time, which you would think would make it easier, and yet for some reason, it seems to make it worse. However, the Lord and I have walked a long road of fellowship in this. He continues to remind me that He knows what rejection feels like and while it hurts deeper - I am more able to handle it than ever before. I know that there is a spiritual principle here somewhere that I cannot identify, other than maturity.
My thoughts are slightly clouded by grief - someone that I love - in fact one of my parents - has chosen to sever a relationship with me. There is nothing I can say or do - as I know from past history. I am thankful that while it continues to repeat itself, God shows no limit of pouring love and forgiveness through my heart to strengthen me for the roller coaster ride that this relationship mandates. I am innocent of blame. Their perceived injury is that of Satan's design, and he continually blinds their eyes and encapsulates their heart.
This morning I was so comforted by this verse - John 1:11 He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Jesus was familiar with the sting of rejection from those we would have expected to love Him the most. I know Christ better by sharing in the "fellowship of His sufferings". If walking this road is necessary to experience the power of His resurrection, fill my heart with courage Lord.
God spoke comfort to my heart this morning with this verse as well - (in italics)
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
I know the answer to this question is YES.
Though she may forget, I will not forget you!
I know the Lord will not forget me. I know that He loves me. I know that all the things that have transpired in a lifetime Satan meant for evil, but my Lord intends to use them for His good.

And as I write this, I can hear my children down the hall singing from Matthew West's song, Only Grace, these words, "there's only grace, there's only love, there's only mercy and believe me, it's enough, your sins are gone without a trace, there's nothing left now, there's only grace". The Lord has freed first me, and then my children. I am so blessed. I am so very very blessed.