My husband and I sat in Sunday school a few weeks ago - and there were some women sitting in the row in front of us. He kept leaning towards me and pointing at each woman in turn, whispering, "Have you tried talking to her?" It made me giggle - and I shushed him because I was afraid somebody would hear. Friendship is something that just happens, and not something that you can go looking for. It is bizarre to think that you "plan" to be friends with someone. I was blessed with a wonderful group of friends in West Virginia. I miss them terribly - but here is the thing - they all still have their lives. Things keep going. They are the lucky ones. Their absence screams out loud in my life daily.
We are sort of in the same situation with the church we've been going to. The pastor's sermons are great - thought provoking, convicting, and Bible based. What is lacking is in the people - they are friendly while you're there at church - but outside of that they tend to stay to themselves. But the absolute worst part for me is the worship time. When we first attended and met with the pastor we were told that they were supposed to be hiring a worship leader - and now there are plans and things far into the future being discussed with the same interim leader - who has a beautiful heart - but the worship time is really lacking. I mean really. Monotone singing, heads down with eyes in the hymnal - and no real sense of worship. I have heard more upbeat music played at funerals than what we have had the last two Sundays. I cannot imagine permanently being planted there in that situation. The thing is that I feel it necessary to stick with it because it seems the only venue for meeting people and establishing some roots.
It is all very contrived. It all feels fake. It all feels useless. I am not sure what will come of it all - I just know that suddenly - in the last two days it has hit me like a ton of bricks - the discouragement. I am going to be seeking the Lord on these things. I am thankful that His mercies are new every morning. It seems to lift and descend and lift and descend.
I think I hear WHINING. I am surprised to see (hear) you say that you think friendship "just happens". You are well known for reaching out to make friends. And, if they were easy ones to make, everyone would already be their friends. I wonder why you were led to be there in Texas? Just for Travis, the job, his family? Or maybe to count armadillos?
ReplyDeleteNot meaning to be harsh, just a perspective check for you:
ReplyDelete-While your experience here was a wonderful group of friends, I have been here all these years and feel lonely all the time. Especially on Sundays. Nothing like hearing about all the outings everyone in our close knit community did that I wasn't included in. Perspective is different when you are the one being called for outings and events.
- Remember when the H-enator moved to town? Remember how aggressive she had to be to try to fit in and how it was hard for you to understand how she felt as the outsider? But she had it right - friendships do take some thought and planning. People do have their lives so sometimes you have to wriggle yourself in a little to find your place.
- Worship - you are seem to be judgemental on the worship, but again it is perspective. There are some, believe it or not, who find the Chapel type music style very hard to worship to. I know someone who feels about the Chapel type music much like you feel about the slow type music in your current church. SOme like that slow hymn type music. It may not be for you, that does not mean it is contrived or fake. Of course I am not there, so maybe it is.
I often feel like that in evangelical church settings, yet I can not say for sure it is fake - it just feels weird to me - and that's OK - we are the body with different needs and styles (my hands need lots of lotion to keep them healthy, my arms need almost nothing. My teeth need totally different and more frequent care than my neck - etc.)
Again - not meaning to sound harsh, just giving a perspective Grass is always Greener check.
I will pray for you today - that you will find your niche and a place where you can feel good about the worship.