Non-Static People

Lately I have been going through what could best be described as a mid-life crisis.  I'm bored, I'm restless, I'm anxious and easily agitated.  I go from laughing to crying and back again.  Some days I wake UP in a funk that doesn't clear most of the day - which is not my usual "bubbly" (as my hubs calls it) demeanor.  I'm impatient (at least in my head) with people over things that should not be so irksome, including myself.  I'm unreasonable and irrational and I wonder how it is possible that anyone could find me lovable in such a state, especially my husband who has been married to me for just nine short months.  If he doesn't occasionally wonder what on earth he has gotten himself into, I think he should be awarded some sort of sainthood.

We were having a discussion about this fledgling personality disorder that I am developing earlier today. He knows that I am, as cliché as it sounds, trying to "find myself" and has been my biggest cheerleader.  Abusive relationships diminish a person's true self, and I am still very much in the healing process.  Often the progression of self-discovery is hindered by self-loathing and you literally have to learn to examine who you are and evaluate that this person in the mirror is good, valued, lovable.  In a lot of ways, Gary has gotten to know me better than I know myself. His honesty and willingness to hold my hand through this unfolding of my true self has made all the difference.  In one of my emotional tantrums, I was asking him if he could still love me as I change and grow. "People aren't static" he said. "I'm going to love you no matter what." 

People aren't static. They are dynamic and changing and organic and vibrant, and I am among them. Being loved securely, come what may is truly the greatest gift imaginable.