No Miracle

God - I need you.
I am the one leaving, yes. I am walking away. While he talks of miracles and things that might be, I have heard it all before. I am not a stone. I feel it. I want it. It was supposed to be him in the framed pictures of all that I see for the future. Not cracked glass and an image torn in two.
I got boxes today - tidy and neat containers in which to put the pieces of my life if I had the strength to pick them up.
A heavy need to wail overcame me when I started this post and I stopped to indulge awhile. There is no comfort for my pain. I mourn as one with no hope. My prayers for the miracle of his softened heart turned to me fell on deaf ears for far too long to endure. The vow to love hanging over me unfulfilled.
How do you start to see the world again through cracked glass, with only half of what you thought you were? This is a pain that feels too deep to bare alone, and I am left here, crying like a baby for her mother. No mother will come. No miracle.

On the Lighter Side

It's pretty bad when you are at such a low that your own blog gets on your nerves. I am going to try to think about something else. Complaints about the high price of flip flops, poor customer service with the cell company and then the layoff. It is high time for some lighter fare around here.
Today, I think I witnessed a miracle.
My husband is basically a solid. He does not like many vegetables. He loves greasy, deep-fried, non-organic, highly processed, overly salted, non-foodlike food products. If it doesn't have cheese it needs it. If you put cheese on it, he wants more. (Velveeta is the cheese-food of choice.) Gravy, he'll take extra. I have worked really hard on putting good, mostly homemade food on the table and in his lunch. One thing he won't give up are his daily pop-tarts. But tonight - the unexpected happened.....
I got him to agree to eat salad with our dinner every night for a week. I asked him to help me set a good example for the kids. In all fairness, I did get him Thousand Island with bacon dressing for said salads - so we'll see if that'll give it enough junk to help him get it down.
Yep, almost like the tears from the virgin shrine.
I'll take my miracles as they come thanks.
I will also be accepting any awesome salad suggestions!

Thanks for hanging in there - the blog will be staying "The Clearing" - and "The Whining" will hopefully be put to rest for a while. Perhaps we will start a family blog called "The Regular" or maybe "The Unconstipated". I wonder what Google searches would bring folks our way with that kind of title.