I Take Issue with That!

I read this quote from a 1908 publication called "What a Young Wife Ought to Know" reprinted in a current magazine this morning and it got me all worked up:

"A true woman would hardly care to exchange her delicate instinct, her deftness of finger her versatile mind - which enables her to do the many little and great things in our everyday home-life equally well - her quick perception, her motherly all-aroundness, her sweet womanly loveliness, for any other marketable thing, or any other characteristic or capability attained by culture or training. A true woman is a woman, and she does not desire to be anything else unless she can add it to her womanliness."

Where to start.
First of all - I lack all "delicate instinct". I am awkward, rambunctious, easily provoked to raucous laughter - but delicate I am not. I believe God made me - at the basic level - the person that I am, and after years of resisting this and trying to be someone that I am not, I am finally comfortable with the fact that I am not a wilting flower. I believe God made women in all shapes, sizes, colors, and yes, personality too. He created each of us individually - to be different, and to bring glory to Him through our uniqueness. Our creative God did not make us cookie cutter people - but rejoiced in his ability to put together so many different combinations.
I take offense at this idea that we are to use our "versatile mind" only for the home or it is some blemish on our womanliness. Do all of our pursuits not benefit our families? How is it that men may pursue their dreams, follow their ambitions and creativity where they lead and if women do the same outside of their homes, they have committed some terrible crime? We can have our identity as wives and mothers mean so much that we fail to be individuals.
I have been a stay-at-home mom for all of my children's lives until recently. I have always done something - babysitting, cleaning houses, computer work at home, etc. to bring in some extra income to help make ends meet. My times at home with my family have always been my favorite, but I've done it because that was the desire of my heart and not because there was some unwritten standard that I would be less of a woman if I did not. I have seen women crash and burn after divorce because they had all of who they were wrapped up in their families, including my own mother. My mother was not blameless - but she lost who she was when the man she married at 16 decided he didn't want to be married to her anymore, and she never recovered.
Last night, I was feeling rather overwhelmed. I saw women come through my line happily spending money on Christmas gifts and enjoying the season and I felt so envious. They got to go home that evening to their families. They didn't have to drive home at almost 1 am and hope they would be awake and alert enough not to hit a deer, or drive off the road because they were so tired. Then I thought of my co-workers - one who has to leave for work before her 4th grader gets off the bus and has to walk 2 blocks home to stay for the evening with a handicapped grandma while she works. One lady is so tired that her eyes never look like more than little slits. One lady works nights because she is taking care of a 21 year old daughter who is a paraplegic during the day. These women are true women, doing what is required, as I am to make it through the day, whether working out of their homes or not. Their deftness of finger, versatile mind and quick perception are often expended in their workplace and not their home. It is easy to sit back in a padded chair with a comfy life and make judgments on these women - but get in the trenches with them for a little while and you'll see - they are women just like you.

"Christian Women" and CHRISTIAN Women

The topic of "Christian Women" has been a recurrent theme of late on the blogs that I frequent, or stalk as that might be. I comment often, but sometimes what I read just makes me think and I have to ruminate on it a little while.
First, my thoughts on the subject are that this is a category which is not all inclusive. There are "Christian Women" and there are Christian women. What I refer to here is the women who come to church on Sunday morning, and although they are the mother of toddlers, every hair is in place, perfect Mary-Kay make-up, and their clothes aren't mussed. In their homes, their furniture looks rarely sat upon, and we know that nobody walked on the carpet, at least not wearing shoes. Every duck is in a row. Their bills are paid on time, their cars never smell of french-fries, and their fingernails are always well manicured.
At first glance you might be envious. You might even wish you were her. But as you get a little closer, you realize that you must be cautious. This is a desperate person, and if you do anything human that might interfere with her precise system of control, her acute maintenance of her surroundings, her sense of order, be it emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually, she.will.tear.you.up.
And let's face it, getting your life tangled up with other people is messy. People do things you don't expect, say things you aren't sure how to react to, their children are allowed to do things that shock you, and people they love die, their husbands leave them, their children are sick at totally inconvenient times. Sometimes based on where they have come from in life they have a completely different perspective, one that isn't all neat and tidy, and does not fit in a nice little box, easily opened and examined at your convenience. I have found more times than not, it is totally worth the messy tangle it requires to get to know them a little better. Cover the situation with compassion and grace, extend with open arms the love they deserve, right where they are, without trying to change them.
Years ago at a homeschool mom's meeting, I sat in a circle with a mixture of familiar "Christian Women" and Christian women and a new lady. We were planning activities for our kiddies for the month of October and the conversation turned as it always inevitably does to the evils of Halloween. The new lady spoke up enthusiastically, and said, "I love Halloween. I like to dress up as death."
Good thing, I thought cause you just put a few nails in your coffin with this crowd.
I liked her instantly.

A Very Good Year

Kendra told me the other day that she felt like such a dork because she was so excited about co-op. Let me tell you, I understand. Last night I went to a meeting at the place where we will be having co-op, the same kinds that I used to dread before we moved - being so involved with things in our church, and the homeschooling community that each week seemed to bring a new genre of laborious meetings. Last night was different - I was pretty excited - and nervous. I don't know what exactly it is that makes Christian women intimidate me so - I was trying to explain it to my friend Melody and concluded during our discussion that when someone always has their act together (or at least seems to) and anytime you open your mouth they are giving you advice, judging you or trying to "fix" you or your life, marriage, parenting - look at you with mouth open as if something like the child jumping off the back of the couch would never happen in their super structured, over-controlled house - it has a tendency to make you feel an inch tall. I was so relieved to find that this group was nothing like that - at all. This was the warmest group of women I have been around in a long time. They were friendly, welcoming. One sweet lady that sat next to me leaned over at one point when I was likely glossing over from all the information and said, "It isn't always like this. This is the worst meeting of the year and even though it is a bit confusing, it will make perfect sense when we get going." I think I love her. There were a lot of different types of women, all mingling with each other. One mom came in wearing a Bon Jovi t-shirt - and even though I never talked to her, I already like her. She just felt comfortable in her own skin - I really envy people like that. At the end of the night, there were teenagers piled all over an old couch and standing around in the lobby being loud and teenager-ish. I can picture my girls right in the middle of that! Another lady was telling me that the boys who have trouble sitting still don't have that problem in this co-op as it is very hands on, and that made me very happy for Kullen. I told Travis when I got home that I think this is going to be a very good year.